


A light in the darkness

by itsaboutvale



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, But with a happy ending, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Lots of Angst, Parenthood, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2020-06-24 22:25:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19732987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsaboutvale/pseuds/itsaboutvale
Summary: After a tragic accident that cost his sister’s life, Jon Snow found himself in a position he never thought. Now, in charge of his niece, Jon needs to learn the struggles of parenthood, and at the same time, his upcoming divorce.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! 
> 
> Well, I shouldn't write another story before finish the one I already have, but... author's block somehow made this; let's see how it goes. 
> 
> Warning: Read tags first, please, I'll be adding more as the story goes on, but so far those are the mayor tags, so if you don't feel comfortable with angst (and here will be A LOT) or ptsd, etc, feel free to ignore this fic. 
> 
> That said, I hope you like this. 
> 
> (no beta on this story, nor english my first language, so apologies if there are grammar mistakes)

Chapter one

There was a knowing truth, a midnight phone call only means one thing: bad news. And Jon learned that in the worst way possible.

Everything happened in a blurry of unexpectable events. One moment, he was at his house with a bottle of whiskey dropped in the carpet floor, his neck turned in an awkward position; then, the grey building of the police station came to his view as he came out of the taxi. One grumpy police welcomed him and lead to his superior officer, who informed of the tragic accident his little sister had.

“I am deeply sorry for your loss, people these days need to learn how to drive and pay attention… the consequences…”

It was odd, how can someone be deeply sorry for other’s feelings? It was a lie, created to fill emptiness hearts, Jon knew that, he used it all the time in his job. _We did everything we could, but sadly he died, I am deeply sorry for your loss._ Lies, no one can feel the other’s emotions.

The next thing Jon met was the morgue, it was cold and dark, the smell was something he didn’t expect, a mix of alcohol and roses, kind of old fashion if he was honest. The doctor led him to a dark room, and soon, he was in front of a corpse. It wasn’t the first time he saw one, he remembered his parent’s funeral when everyone gathered in front of the open coffins, at first he’d refused to look at his dead parents, but his aunt Lysa forced him to do it, saying he was the man in charge now, and he didn’t have to feel any fear. Jon did, but despite his aunt wishes, he didn’t force his little sister to do it, Arya was only 8 at that time, but Jon couldn’t allow any more pain to her, so he pulled her to his side, while her little face hide on his ribs, crying and weeping for her family. This time, it was her face Jon saw over the table. The doctor left after he nodded, confirming the identity.

He couldn’t remember the last time he cried. His knees went limp as he fell over the floor, covering his face with his hands, while his body shuddered with sobs and curses. She was his little sister, it was his duty to protect her, and he failed. She was dead, and there was nothing he could do about that,

“Arya…” he cried in silence, raising and touching her cheek, there were bruises over her skin and a red mark over her left temple, but still, for Jon, she was the same beautiful and brave woman.

“you are her closest family according to our records,” the social worker told him, as she sat in front of Jon with several documents in front of her, “she was in the car with your sister when the accident happen, but she didn’t suffer a single harm, it was a miracle,” Jon nodded, his mind still trying to process everything the woman was saying, the hangover after drinking almost a bottle of that damn whiskey was making it harder to focus on the words, but Jon needed to put aside his physical pain, and try to get consumed by the emotional.

“can I take her home?” he asked, his hands sweating as he moved his feet,

“of course, we just need to sign some papers of temporary custody, and then we can go to see her,” she put some of them in front of Jon and he signed them. His hand was shaking as he put the pen down, and he tried to breathe once, fighting the urge to break something and hide inside his mind, but he couldn’t; as much as he wanted to practice all the techniques he had learned in all his therapies, the panic was there,

“Sir? Are you alright?” the social worker asked him

Jon nodded, closing his eyes one second, trying to find his voice, “I just… just need a minute,”

“of course, I’ll be outside looking for the baby,”

He heard the door close, and then his shoulders feel over him, as the air fought to fill his lungs. Tears began to fall on his cheeks, as he thought about the last time he spoke with his sister, just a few days before, she was trying to convince him to come and visit her for a few days, she was worried about him, with all the reason Jon thought, for the last time Arya had come to visit, the picture she found wasn’t really pretty.

At that moment, the realization took over Jon. She was traveling in a car to visit him… that was when his panic came over again, she was worried about his actual situation, and after several declines of him to spend some days with her, she had come to visit him. And now she was dead.

“Sir?” he turned at the voice and looked at the woman enter the room again, this time, over her arms she carried a sleepy baby, covered in a yellow blanket. Jon rose over his chair and walked towards them, but when the lady tried to handle the baby to him, he paralyzed,

“I –I don’t know how… what if I let her fall?” he muttered,

“is okay, here, you just need to support her head and back, like this,” she said while showing him the right position. Soon he found himself with the little baby over his arms, her eyes were closed, a little mouth pouted in a funny way, over her cheek there was a little bruise, but so far, she seemed perfectly fine.

“you said she didn’t suffer any harms” he whispered, touching her skin with his thumb,

“she didn’t, the doctors checked over her and everything is fine,” the woman smiled at the baby, “a warrior’s mark,”

Jon kept looking at her, it was the first time he saw the baby in person since she was born; five moons ago she was just a red and tiny baby, he was so afraid of lift her up, so he didn’t, instead, he saw his sister touching the baby’s face, and then passing her to… no, don’t think about her, not now.

“we tried to find information about the baby’s dad, but there’s nothing in our records; if you could tell us where we can find him…”

“he died, before she was born,” Jon whispered, “serving in the army,” just like him, Jon thought, the only difference with Gendry was that he managed to return; if he could’ve been there, maybe he would still alive, perhaps Jon would’ve saved him; “we serve together in the 57° squad, but he didn’t make it till the end,”

“I’m so sorry,” there was again, Jon thought, “poor sweating, so lonely,” an immense sense of protection took over Jon as he saw the pity expression over the woman’s face,

“she’s not alone, she has me” and she could have another mother too, if it weren’t…

“of course, my apologies,” she smiled, “so you are a soldier, is that right?”

“no,” Jon shook his head, “doctor, served for three years in a medical camp in Iraq,”

The woman looked at him in silence, as she processed all the information, and Jon knew exactly was she taught: PTSD, a freak who just returned from war, not suitable for caring of a baby, “don’t worry, it’s been two years since I returned, and everything is fine, you have nothing to worry about,” the baby made a sound, almost as she could feel the tense situation; Jon panicked for a moment, unsure of what he should do, even with her eyes still closed, her little mouth frowned as she wanted to cry,

“move your arms softly,” the woman said, “there, like that,” she smiled at him, as Jon moved with caution, “look, everything is just recent, and you must be tired after all these events. The most important thing is the baby’s safety, and that’s what you can give her now,”

“yes, I have to protect her now,” he whispered, touching her rosy cheeks with a thumb, as the baby came back to her quiet sleep.

He only prayed for everything end well this time.

The trip to his apartment didn’t last long, and Jon was grateful for that. After giving him a bag with baby items he would need, the social worker followed Jon to take a taxi, not before instructing him of her upcoming visits in the weeks to talk about the following statements towards the baby. Jon’s mind was so tired at that point, that he just wanted to reach his house as soon as possible and not think about anything else. But it was not just him anymore. He looked at the baby on his arms, now wide-awake staring at him with big grey eyes, her hands inside her mouth, while her little feet moved inside the blanket. Jon’s eyes went wet as he saw the similar features of his sister in the baby’s face.

It didn’t feel real. Arya was dead, he would never see her again, hear her teasing jokes to him, her counsels… their bond was strong, and now he wouldn’t see her again. growing up, it was just the two of them since their parents died, and even as adults, they were always close. She had moved from the city two years ago when Gendry returned from the army and they got married.

_“start a new life_ ” she’d told him at that time. _“Gendry talked with his superior and he told him about a new position in the city after he returned from the army, it’s a good opportunity for him, and he wouldn't need to go back there again”_

So, she moved with him, and for a short time, that seems to be the best for them. Jon knew an opportunity like that couldn’t be wasted, he had taken that a long time ago after his mission saving lives in that shithole, and if there was a chance that Gendry shouldn’t go back there for more than a few months, they better take that.

But it only took a few months for their lives broke apart. Pregnant, widow and in a new city, Jon tried his best to persuade his sister to come back, but she didn’t accept. _“you have a life on your own, Jon. I’ll be fine”_

And now she was gone.

“do you want help with the bags, sir?” the taxi driver asked, and Jon realized they’d arrived at his apartment.

“aye, thank you,” he said, going out the car and caring carefully the baby on his arms; she whimpered a bit, perhaps missing the comfort of the car’s movement, so Jon moved his arms softly, trying to calm her upcoming cries. “we’re almost home, sweeting” he muttered softly to the baby, “thank you,” he told the driver once the bags where on the living room. He pay him and then proceeded to close the door, sighing as he realized he was finally at home,

“Well, here we are, Aly,” he told the baby, changing her position and caring her over his hips, now that she was wide awake, “you’ll love it, it has a beautiful view of the park, you can have your own room, and there’s also someone you’ll want to meet!”

He took the bags inside his room and placed them over the bed, “his name is Ghost, I’m sure you two will be good friends, he’s really big, but also fluffy, you like that?” the girl gazed at him curiously, and then, out of nowhere she throwed up over his shirt, “oh gods,” he groaned, lowering her over the bed and searching anxiously a wet towel, “it’s alright, not a big deal,” he said wiping the white liquid on her chin too; the moment Jon lowered over the bed, she’d started to cry, and after cleaning her, Jon took her back on his arms and moved her up and down trying to comfort her, “hey, hey, it’s alright, I’m here” she was still crying, and Jon’s panic begin to rise; he walked towards the balcony so she could see the park down streets, and hopefully the cries will stop, “Look, Aly, we can go to the park one day!” he exclaimed, touching her pinky cheeks, “And we can bring Ghost too, would you like that? He loves the park, and I’m sure you two will have a lot of fun going there” the cries were softly now, giving space to small whimpers and big tears that fell over her face, “Ghost is not here now, but as soon as he comes, we’ll have a lot of fun! We just need that she brings him here and…” he was lost of words then, as always happen when he thought about her. “We just need her to come,” he whispered, looking at nowhere. The baby was quiet now, gazing at him in silence as Jon lowered his eyes to the ground. Just then, realization came over him, “God, I have to tell her,”

Just the thought of talking to her again, especially about this, send a shiver to his spine. She and Arya were really close, and Jon knew soon rather than later he would have to talk to her. “Well,” he said to the girl, “You’ll meet your aunty Dany today,” _funny_ , he thought, the first time he and Daenerys had seen the baby when she was born, that’s what she was, “But now that I think about it, she’s your former aunty now,”


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As much as Jon tried, Alyanna didn’t stop her cries. It seems like she’d been crying for hours, but as Jon looked at his watch, there have only been 30 minutes since she woke from her nap. As much as Jon wanted to make her drink from the bottle, the little girl only frowned her lips and moved her head away from him.

“Come on, it’s just milk, and is not even hot,” he told the girl, moving the bottle in front of her face. After several and failed tries of making the formula right -by watching some YouTube videos- he poured some of it in the back of his wrist and waited until it went cold, but so far, she hadn’t drunk any of it. “I cheeked your diapers and they are not dirty, and you have your nap, come one sweeting, I know you’re hungry” his pleas weren’t answered, for the girl let out a scream that almost made his wall fell.

Just when he thought he’ll lose his sense, the doorbell sang over the apartment, only worsening the situation, as the baby only cried harder by the unexpected sound. “shh, is alright, just someone coming without an invitation,” he groaned, walking towards the foldable cradle that the social worker gave to him, and putting the girl inside it. “stay here, I won’t last long,” his baby tone almost made him frown, as he shook his head, “obviously you are not going anywhere,”

He walked towards the door, and as he opened it, he saw the familiar silver hair, followed by another white fur that ran inside the house as soon as the door opened. “Dany…”

She didn’t meet his eyes, as she always did whenever they were in the same space, “The vet says he needs to take his medicines every 8 hours from some days, and then we have to—” her words were stopped by the constant sound of baby cries. “Is that, a baby?” this time, her eyes went to his, and Jon saw the confusion on them, followed by something else,

“I –I wanted to call you, but your phone sends me to the voice mail, I—”

“You know what? It doesn’t matter, Jon. I just wanted to let you know about Ghost’s visit to the vet, and now that is done, I have to go,” she was about to turn around and follow her way out there, but Jon’s voice stopped her.

“Daenerys…” Jon’s eyes went wet as she met him with an annoyed gazed. As soon as she saw his features, her blue eyes filled with worry. “You… you should come inside…” he whispered. Before she could say anything else, Jon turned around and walked towards the crib. Ghost was in front of it, looking curiously at the crying baby, whose face was red and filled with big tears. “Hey there, look who’s here,” he said happily, lifting her to his arms and caressing her black curls. “Ghost came to say hi,” at the sound of his name, he let out a bark, making the baby jump and cry harder, “Sit, Ghost, not scaring our guest.”

Just then, Daenerys features came to the living room, and her eyes went big as she saw the baby on his arms. “Is that… Alyanna?” she looked at him confused, walking to the baby and touching her cheeks softly. Of course, she knew Aly, Jon thought, despite Dany and Jon’s differences, she and his sister were close friends, and Jon was sure Arya had sent several pictures of the baby to Daenerys. “Is Arya here? She didn’t tell me she was coming…”

As the baby looked at Dany, it seems that the cries went lower, as she rose her arms to her and Daenerys smiled softly, “Hello there, darling,” she sang, lifting her and moving her body in a soft pace to calm the baby, “Hush, no crying,” she wiped her eyes and cradle the baby close to her chest. Just then, Aly lifted her hands to her breast, while her little face filled with tears again, “Poor thing, you must be hungry… where’s Arya, Jon, she—” as soon as her eyes met his, Jon lost the short control he had in the past hours. His eyes filled with tears, as his body fell on his knees; shoulder shivering as he let himself consume by the grief. “Jon!” Daenerys exclaimed, kneeling beside him as he shook with sobs, while the baby cried harder on her arms.

After what it seems like an eternity, Daenerys managed to feed Alyanna, and she even made her burp after that. Now, full and quiet, the baby played with a teddy bear on Dany’s lap. Jon left as soon as the baby began to eat, closing his room door behind him, and Daenerys was just as confused as before. “Well, honey, it’s just you and me now,” she whispered to the baby, caressing her cheeks with a smile. A painful thought fill Daenerys heart, as the baby rose her big eyes to her. the sight was too painful for her, and she almost felt her eyes watered.

Just when she thought she’ll fall apart at that moment, the door opened and Jon came out. His hair was wet, curls pulled back in a bum, his face was pale, and it looked as he had aged ten years. “I –'m sorry, I shouldn’t leave her with you like that… she was crying, and…”

“It’s okay, I gave her some milk and she seems to be fine now,” he came closer to her and lifted the baby, hugging her closer to his chest. He sat beside her, and for some minutes, just stayed in silence, looking at some point on the floor.

“Jon… what’s going on?” Daenerys said after a moment, not knowing what was happening only made her more anxious. Jon looked at her then, and the words he said send a cold shiver to her spine.

“Arya… she had a car accident and she…” his voice broke as he lowered his face to the baby’s head. “She…” he couldn’t make the words the words came out his mouth, but he didn’t need them, for Daenerys gasp indicated she understood what he meant.

“Oh God…” she moaned, her hands covering her mouth as her eyes filled with tears. She looked at the baby, then at Jon. For a moment, everything they went thought was forgot, giving space for a single feeling. Pain.

Even after she and Jon separate each other, Arya and Dany kept in touch every now and then. She always sent her pics of the baby, telling her about the first time she smiled, or when she learned how to roll over her belly. Just like that, she supported her in the times of needs, Arya was the first who Dany went the first time she and Jon had a fight that ended with her moving that night to a hotel. Daenerys had grown up without a sister, and that’s what Arya had become in all those years. She understood the struggles of having a partner on the other side of the world, fighting to survive and not knowing when or if they will return.

“I—” her voice flattered as she tried to say something, anything to erase the pain in her chest, but nothing came. “When…?” 

“I receive the phone call at midnight, I didn’t know she was traveling to come here, she never told me anything…” Jon closed his eyes and lowered his face to watch the baby, whose cheeks were now pressed against his chest, as her hands played with the blanket.

“And Aly? Is she alright?” her fingers brushed her curls, soft waves of black hair that reminded her so much to Arya, and Jon.

“She’s fine, didn’t suffer any harm, just a little scratch on her cheek.” It was a miracle, Jon thought as he gazed at the baby again. He could’ve lost the two of them.

He watched as Daenerys lowered her face to her hands again, quiet sobs coming out of her, while her shoulders moved with her cries. He had to fight with the impulse of comforting her, pull her against his chest as they both cried, hurt by the same loss. But Jon knew he couldn’t, a long time has passed since he won that privilege, and now it was all gone.

Just when he was about to do it, not caring about the things that had to happen between them, a knock on the door pull him out of his thoughts. Daenerys rose her face and gazed at him curiously. He put Aly on the hip, and walked to the door, followed by Ghost, who barked at the sound.

Once he opened it, he found a woman with a suitcase in front of him. “Good morning, Mr. Snow,” she said with a familiar tone, but he was fighting hard to remember her face.

“Good morning, miss…?”

“Tyrell, Margaery Tyrell” and just as she could read the confusion on his face, she said, “social worker, we met last night”

He opened his eyes in realization, and took a step back, allowing the woman to come inside his house. “I’m sorry, last night was just so difficult, I can’t remember half of it.”

Miss Tyrell smiled, nodding as she walked inside, “Of course, it’s a hard thing to process, and it’s still too soon,”

“yes,” he whispered. Alyanna moved on his arms, touching his beard with her chubby fingers.

“Mr. Snow, I know the last thing you need right now is me coming with more paperwork to do, and that stuff, but there are some statements we must discuss”

“yes, of course, come inside please,”

As they enter the living room again, he met Daenerys eyes, as she watched at them curiously, her eyes were red, cheeks pale as she rose from the couch. “Da –Daenerys,” he corrected himself, almost calling her by her nickname, “She’s the social worker, came here to talk about Aly”

Daenerys opened her eyes in realization, raising from her set and taking her purse with her, “Hi, I –I'm sorry, I should go, you have so much to talk,”

“No!” he said quickly, not wanting her to leave, “I mean if you could watch over Aly, while I talk with her?”

She doubts for a moment, not wanting to stay much longer or she would probably collapse, but Jon’s eyes looked at her with so much hurt, that at that moment, she forgot everything that led them there. “Sure, I –I’ll be in your room,” she smiled at the baby, pulling her off Jon’s arms to hers. “Come here, sweeting, I saw a teddy bear who wants to play with us”

For a moment, Jon was lost in the thought of how adorable she looked talking with a baby tone, and as her eyes met his, it was as if anything had changed, but as fast as it came, it was gone. “I’ll be in there,” she said, not gazing at him that time.

Once she was gone, Jon took a moment to compose himself, fighting the urge to talk to her, but knowing it was not the best time. Instead, he gazed at Margaery and pulled one of the chairs to her, “Please, have a sit.”

“Thank you,” she said. She pulled then several paper from the suitcase, “Once again, I am so sorry for your loss, Mr. Snow, and I know the last thing you need now is talk about custody, official papers, and that stuff, but this is really important, and my job is to ensure your niece safety, that’s why I am here”

Aly’s safety? Jon thought to confuse. He was her uncle, her only family, and nowhere else she will be as safe as she was with him.

“Your sister didn’t let any last will about who will be in charge of the baby if anything happened to her,” she continued.

“I am –was her brother” he corrected himself,

“Of course, that’s why we called you last night. But the custody regulation is really strict and more complicated than that. And as I said before, our final job is to ensure that the baby ends in the correct place.”

Jon’s eyes opened in realization, as panic begins to rise inside him, “You can’t take her away from me!” he said out loud, “I am her only family, she—she’s my sister’s daughters and I know Arya would’ve wanted me to be in charge of Aly, I—”

“Calm down, Mr. Jon” Margaery gave him some papers to him, “I am not taking Alyanna from you, nor that’s our intention. But I must be clear when I told you that this process is long and our intention is finding the best place for her”

“The best place for her is with me, I am her family”

“According to our records,” she said, sending a chill down his spine, “There’s another relative of you and your sister. Your aunt Lysa Aryn,” just the mention of that name, made him close his hands on a fist. “She was the one that took care of you two after your parents died, is that correct?”

“Yes, she did, but we haven’t been in touch in years,” baby Aly couldn’t go with that woman, he would not allow that. If Arya was alive, for sure she wouldn’t allow that either.

“Still, giving the fact that your sister didn’t let any last statements concerning about the baby, now there’ll be a custody trial, and your aunt will be contacted, as a potential guardian for the baby, just like you.”

Jon was out of words. They can’t take Aly away from him, he needed to protect her, she was Arya’s daughter, and he will not allow anything happens to her. Jon knew his aunt, she was an old, grumpy lady, unable to give any kind of love to a child; that was not the kind of environment that Aly deserved. She needed to be loved and protected. And that’s what he could give her.

He closed his eyes and sighed, passing his hands over his face in frustration. “I—just… she needs to be with me, I am her only family.”

“Look, Jon,” Margaery smiled at him, “I know this is difficult to process, but as I said, custody is full of long a difficult process, I don’t know you, but I’m sure you’ll be a good guardian for the baby, but I have to be honest with you, you were a former doctor in the army, on Iraq, that made a statement in your files, and according to our research, you spend months in rehab fighting with PTSD, then, you enter an AA group, is that alright?”

Damn. He must have known they will know about that. He was fucked. Just know, everything he had done came to his mind again; it has cost him everything, his life, his work, his marriage, and now his niece.

“This is in the past, I—everything is alright now, and I can assure you—”

“I’m not here to judge you, Jon, I’m just informing you about the real situation. You and your aunt have the same rights on Alyanna. Right now, you have her partial custody, but soon there’ll be a trial and this will be resolved by a judge. In the meantime, I will come here to visit you regularly to be sure everything is fine.”

“What are my chances?” he asked, his shoulders fell, as he tried to fight the urge of drinking some whiskey.

“I am not allowed to talk about that, but you have to know that everything is different now, and you have to ensure that nothing more happens, and by that, I mean nothing that a judge can put against you. You aunt have the experience taking care of you, she is a teacher and has a good reputation, I am not saying that you don’t, but things like that are what a judge will look for the custody of a child. She is married, and—”

“I am married too,” he said before he could stop himself.

_Fuck_.

“Oh, well, that for sure change everything. I know we are in the 21° century, but laws don’t move forward like us, some people think is better for a child to be in a traditional home; for me, there are more important things than that, but I’m just a person,” she said, raising her shoulders.

“Yes… I understand.”

Just then, as just as if she could read his mind. Daenerys came out of the room, caring a smiling Aly on her arms. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I have to go; my next class starts in an hour and I have to get going.”

“Sure, don’t worry,” Jon told her. And then walked towards her. “Miss. Tyrell, this is Daenerys, she…” he inhaled, “she is my wife.”

He felt her tense beside him, and when he dared to look at her eyes, he saw the fire in them. Just like that, he knew he had made the biggest mistake ever.

_Fuck_. 

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

As soon as he closed the door after the social worker said her goodbyes, Jon let out a sigh. _What have I done?_ He thought, cursing himself as he tried to gain strength to face Daenerys.

He didn’t know where all that came from. One moment, he was facing the reality of his sister’s death, and the upcoming custody of Aly, and the next just the mention of his aunt Lysa made his world upside down. He knew how things worked, he wasn’t naïve to think a judge will give him Aly’s custody just because he was her closest family; she needed a home where she could grow up, and as much as it hurt, Jon knew the social worker was right in some things. But his aunt, that woman didn’t deserve to have custody. The years he and Arya spend with her were the worst, not even their parent’s death warmed her heart, quite the opposite, Lysa saw that as a punishment, she now had to take care of two young children, unwanted children.

Ghost fur pull him out of his thoughts, he met the dog’s eyes, and it seemed as he could sense his troubles; his head turning at the side, and for a moment, Jon thought the dog was judging him. Well, he’s not the only one.

As Jon returned to the living room, he found Daenerys at on the couch, Aly lied on her knees, as she moves her legs on the air. The picture was something Jon though he’ll never see: Daenerys smiling at a baby, while she made funny faces to her. the way she behaves set something inside his chest that hurt so much.

But as soon as her eyes fell on him, all the tenderness disappears. “You should thank all the gods that exist that Alyanna is here with me because that’s the only reason I don’t kill you right now.”

_Ouch._

“Dany”

“Don’t call me that!” she said, rising from her seat and carrying Aly on her hips. “I’m going to put her on the bed.”

Without more, she turns and walked towards his room. Just a few moments later, he saw her close the door, and for a moment, she had her back to him, but then when she turned around, her deadly gaze fell over him.

“Please let me explain…”

“Let you explain?” Her voice was high now, “Explain what? How you lied to a public server? It was so easy, wasn’t it?” to use me for your purpose!”

“It’s not like that… I—”

“You didn’t have the decency to tell me of any of this, just use me, and—”

“I didn’t plan this!” it was the first thing that came to my mind, and I –”

“Because that’s what you do! You don’t think about the consequences of your actions, the only thing that comes to your little mind is you, you, you!”

“I was thinking of Aly! They want to send her away from me!”

“Andy why would that be?” her sarcastic tone send a shiver to his spine. “A selfish man taking care of a little girl? Why do you think you deserve to have her and not your aunt?”

“You know exactly why should I”

She looked at him for a second, and Jon thought he saw some tenderness on her eyes, but it was gone too soon, replaced by the so familiar fire. “Perhaps the Jon I knew once should, but you…” her eyes closed, trying to fight the urge to let out the tears she so desperately tried to contain, “You are not the same, and you don’t deserve to have her.”

She walked past him, but Jon took her arm. He couldn’t let her go, he needed her, and as much as he knew things will get more complicated, he was going to take the risk.

“Please, Daenerys. I need you” he was so close to her now, that she could feel his breath on her neck, sending a shiver to her skin.

“You don’t need anyone anymore, Jon.” Was all she could say, trying to compose herself and not fall for him over again. It was hard. For a moment, she saw the old Jon, the one she fell in love so many years ago, the one that made her feel what anyone could do before, and who made her wish for things she never thought possible. But that Jon died, he was not the same, and as much as she tried to be there for him, to understand his troubles, she couldn’t, and by the end, that Jon who made her feel so many wonderful things, only brought tears and pain to her life. She couldn’t to that again.

“Please… think of Arya, she spends her whole life with that woman, her daughter doesn’t deserve that. She would want the best for Aly.”

“Arya always saw the best of you, Jon. Even in your darker times, she thought you could be the same as before, but in the end, you disappoint her, just as you did with me. So, no, I am not sure what she would want.”

“And you think I don’t know that?” he lost his temper at the moment, getting away from her, hiding his face on his hands, while the frustration took over him, “You think that I’m happy with the way I am? Of what I become?! Everything I lose and the regret I feel for that is the only thing that comes to my mind every day,” he fell over the couch, as his body shivered with anger. “You think you lost the old Jon? Well, let me tell you something Daenerys, I am the one who felt that I am the one who fights every day with myself, with all the demons I have inside me. The urge to kill myself and let it be done for once and all is so strong, that I am not sure why I haven’t done that. But you know what? The only reason I don’t do it is that deep inside me, I tried so hard to bring the old me back. To win all the things I don’t deserve any more because I know I screw it up once, but I try, I really try Daenerys, to be the old me, because that is the Jon I want to be again, and no matter how many times I try, is not enough. Is never enough…”

Tears were falling on her cheeks now, as Daenerys hands trembled, squeezing her purse so close to her chest. Her arms ached with the desire to surround him, but she shouldn’t. she couldn’t do it.

“Aly is the only family I have left, she is a reason for me to be a better person for her, I can fail to her, nor Arya. I can, and I won’t.” he met her eyes, and Daenerys saw the big tears falling on her face.

“You can’t put your life over a person, Jon. And as much as I want to, I can’t let myself to feel hope again. I… I can’t…” her voice broke, and this time she couldn’t contain the sobs and whimpers that came out her. Jon walked towards her, but Dany rose her hand to stop him.

“Please, just think about it. It will not be real, just until they gave me her custody. You’ll be free from me again. Please, think of Arya…”

“I—”

“Don’t tell me anything yet. Just… think about it, please.”

And she did. After leaving his apartment, she thought about that. When she arrived at her home, she thought about that. At night, while she was alone in her bed, she thought about all the things that could be different this time, and she knew just then, that it wouldn’t be as it was before. The pain, the hurt, the emptiness she felt many moons ago, something she wasn’t sure she could face again stops her to feel the hope again. but at the same time, she thought of Arya and Aly. All the things she could do for them…

And just like that, as the sleep reached her body, she made a choice; and while the dreams came to her again, she prayed for it to be the right.

-*-

_“We are going to get married!”_

_Daenerys eyes went wide as she saw the ring on Arya’s finger. The woman mover her fingers with a smile on her face, as Dany let out a scream and took the hand on her, “Oh my God, Arya!” she then hugged her, “I am so happy for you! But how? I thought Gendry was still on the base?”_

_“He is, but the general gave them a few days off before they sail again, so he came home and… I can’t believe it, we are going to get married!” her eyes filled with tears, and Dany smiled as she caressed her arm._

_“Honey, don’t cry! This is amazing!”_

_“I know, it’s just… I’m scared”_

_Dany frowned as her face went serious, “aren’t you sure about this?”_

_“No! is not that, just… it feels so real right now, one thing is that we were a couple, but now, how this will work? He’s miles away most of the year, and since they promote him to a ranger, he’s been out more and more. I –”_

_“Hey, I get it, but you two are made for each other, and you’ll get through all this. It will not be for long, Gendry is a clever guy, and soon they’ll promote him to the commander and he’ll be right here with you.”_

_Arya nodded, her hands squeezing to each other on her lap. Then, she rose her eyes to meet hers, “how you two do it?” she asked, and Daenerys smiled sadly._

_“I am not going to lie, honey is difficult. There are days where I miss him so much that it hurt, I pray every day for his safety, but as soon as I saw his face on the laptop at the end of the day, I know is worth it.”_

_“Hey, love, I was just thinking about you” Daenerys smiled as she saw Jon’s face on the laptop, his skin was tanned, making him look just as one of the heroes of her novels, with his black curls falling over his face, and his beard covering his face._

_“Did you?” she teased, “I thought you’d already forgot about me, and found a cute doctor covered in mud and running to save lives…”_

_“Well, there’s one that knows how to run very fast…” his eyes shined with his smile, as his fingers touched his beard._

_“Did she?” she said raising her eyebrow”_

_“She does, but is not my type, I prefer girls that are afraid of needles,” winking at her, Jon couldn’t stop the smirk on his face._

_Daenerys laughed, covering her face as she rested her head on the pillow beside her “In my defense,” she said, still laughing, “that lady was so tall and her hands were as big as my face, and let’s not talk about how hard she pinched my arm!”_

_“Don’t worry sweetheart, next time I’ll be the one doing it,”_

_“Are you sure the perspective of pinching me with a needle is something you want to do?”_

_“Right… well, I guess you need to find another nurse.”_

_She smiled, memorizing his face as she always did every time they saw each other, afraid it was the last time she did. “Guess what?” she told him, trying not to think about the dark thoughts that always crossed to her mind._

_“What, love?”_

_“Gendry proposed Arya!”_

_“What!” his eyes went wide, and Dany couldn’t help but laugh, “she didn’t tell me anything the last time we spoke”_

_“I think he did it today, he had a few days before sailing again and just like that, he didn’t miss the opportunity.”_

_“Wow, I can’t believe Arya, of all, is going to tie the knot”_

_“Hey!” she told him, but couldn’t help the smile. “She’s really happy, and to be honest, I can’t wait to see her in her white dress, getting crazy for all the wedding preparations”_

_They laughed, and for a moment Dany forgot about the miles away they were apart. Just watching his face and hearing his voice, made her forgot everything._

_“I can’t wait to talk to her, and to Gendry, I mean, we need to have ‘the talk’”_

_“Oh my God, don’t!” she laughed, hiding her face on her pillow, “she had so much to worry about, and her big brother talking to her future husband shouldn’t be on the list.”_

_Jon frowned his brows, as he came closer to the camera, “why’s that, love? Is something wrong?”_

_“Just the fact that the love of her life is miles away from her,” she whispered, and just like that, Jon’s face fell._

_“Dany…”_

_“I’m sorry, don’t pay me attention,” she moved her hand and changed her face to a smile, “Tell me, when are you guys going to the camp?”_

_“Two weeks, they are moving the supplies there, and when everything is settled, we’ll be leaving. We’re also expecting some doctors to help us there too”_

_“I see,” she whispered. That meant she wouldn’t be able to talk to him for God knows how long, he’ll be away in the middle of the desert, no communication, surrounded by enemies._

_“Love, I know we wouldn’t be able to talk as often as we do while I’m here, but I don’t want you to worry about me, everything is going to be fine.”_

_“You know I can’t help it,” she smiled softly, “you can’t survive many weeks without me” she joked, trying to erase the tension._

_“And that’s what I’ll miss the most” Jon smiled, moving to rest his back on his pillow, “Guess what?”_

_“What?”_

_“My roommate is on guard tonight, so I have the room just to myself” his half-smile send shiver to her spine, as she felt the familiar twist on her belly._

_“Mmm, I guess I should do something for you not to feel so lonely,” resting her face over her hands, one of her straps fell over her shoulder. She knew he had a good view of her cleavage with that position, so she turned her face to the side, smiling at him, “I think you should make up for all these lonely nights I’ll have without you…”_

_“I am more than happy to accept…”_

_Just like that, her room filled with her whimpers and moans, as Jon’s voice resound beside her, sending goosebumps over her skin, while she heard his moans miles away from her._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

_“If you don’t save her, I’ll rip your tongue off, and made you eat it fully”_

_Jon felt a shiver on his neck, as the man spoke the words behind him. There was blood everywhere, and as much as he tried to stop the bleeding from the wound, it was impossible. “you should stop treating me, and instead look for the supplies I need if you want your friend alive!”_

_The gun was on the back of his head again, “No supplies, if we go out there your people will kill us”_

_“They are not my people!” he said for the last time, “I don’t fight this stupid war, the only thing I’m doing here is to save lives, that’s all,”_

_“Well, then, save her!”_

_But as much as he wanted, the blood didn’t stop. He saw the lady’s face, covered in dirt, mud, and blood. Despite all, he could distingue the familiar silver hair, and it wasn’t long before his mind played with him; her face was in front of him, nose bleeding as he tried to save her life._

_“No… no, Dany please…”_

“Dany…” his eyes flew open as he tried to remember where he was. _This is not Iraq_. He tried to convince himself. _It wasn’t real, it wasn’t real_. At least not Daenerys’ part.

Just then, a cry made him jump from the bed, as he walked towards the portable crib he managed to buy that afternoon. As soon as his face came to her vision, Aly began to whimper softly, as her hands went to her mouth, sucking her little fist. Jon smiled at the sight, looking at the clock on the small table beside his bed; 3:50 am. He closed his eyes and sighed, bending and lifting her carefully. “Well, I think we need to do something about it” his fingers tickled her bump, as he was rewarded with a smile and giggles from the baby. “You seem little, but for sure eat more than me, don’t you?” he was making silly faces, hoping to distract her while he made the bottle. He knew for experience -at least the couple days she’s been with him- that he had not so much time left until the cries became louder.

Once he was out of his room, he found Ghost lying down in the kitchen. He rose his ears, and his tail begins moving but didn’t lift himself as Jon entered the room. “Hey, buddy, care to join us for our early meal?” with his feet he caressed his back, and soon the dog turned around so he could feel the tickles on his belly too. Jon laughed, but soon remembered that a little grumpy human was waiting for her food, so he gave Ghost the last stock and then walked towards the counter.

The process of making a milk bottle was harder than he expected, especially because he had Aly on his arms, and that made it more difficult. He needed to buy one of those carriers to place her there while he was busy; he thought of leaving here over the kitchen island, but imagines of her rolling over made him reconsider the idea. She was small, and could barely lift her legs and head, but Jon didn’t want to risk it. “Tomorrow, we’ll go and buy some things.”

Carefully, as he did the few times, he’d fed her, Jon rested the bottle in her lips, watching as the baby began to suckle enthusiastic, her hands covering the bottle, as her feet moved. Jon smirked, walking towards the sofa; as soon as his back touched the pillows, he let out a sigh. He needed to sleep, but after that nightmare, it would be impossible. It was not the first time he dreamed about his former life in the army, nor the constant dreams of losing Daenerys, but he hadn’t had a dream as vivid as that one in months. It’s just the stress, he told himself, but deep inside, Jon knew there was something else. He always feared of opening up that deep with Dany, afraid that it would be too much for her to handle, and that was one of the reasons why they ended up like this; but after their encounter yesterday, Jon felt in some way relieved. All the things he wanted to say but was so afraid to do it, he did. Of course, there was more, far more than this, but for the first time, Jon felt the calm that came after letting all those things out.

Alyanna stopped moving on his arms, and Jon lowered his gaze to watch her eyes closed, sleeping calmly as the bottle rested on her side, secured by Jon’s chest. Carefully of not waking her, he put her on his shoulder and begun to pat her back softly, waiting for her to barf, as he’d learn in his internet researches. Soon, he heard the sound and smiled proudly, moving his face to watch the baby’s dark curls. “I guess this is a progress” he whispered, smiling as he lowered to his chest. Just then, the smell hit his nose, and he noticed then the white liquid on his shirt. “Well, next time I’ll try to remember to use the towel.” He sighed, walking to the crib and resting the baby on it.

Once he cleaned and changed himself, he sat on his bed and turned the lights off. Everything seemed still unreal, and wouldn’t be easy, but Jon was determinate to give everything from him to make it possible. He knew he wasn’t the perfect role model for Aly, nor the best person capable to raise her, but he was all she had left, and he needed to do the best he could to make things right. It was a long way, he knew it, he was still trying to fix the holes inside him, but the perspective of losing everything again was something he couldn’t allow to. This is another chance to fix it, he thought, trying to remember the last time he’d feel this way before. The emptiness inside him was filling for the first time since he lost everything. And just with that, Jon dared to dream of restoring his life, and everyone on it.

*-*

“Alright, Aly, diaper change, belly full, we’re ready to go and buy some…” his phone rang, interrupting him, and Jon walked towards the table and pick it up. As soon as the name on the screen showed, his face went pale, and a cold shiver ran through his spine.

_Lysa Aryn._

“For fuck sakes…” cursing his aunt, destiny, and that social worker, Jon rested Aly over the sofa and put some pillows around her to prevent any accident. Then, he picks up the phone and answered.

“Hello, aunt Lysa,” Jon said, trying not to show any emotion.

“At what point were you going to inform me that Arya is dead?” her judging tone made him close his eyes and sigh in frustration. “I have to be informed by some stranger that my only niece is dead, and you, my ungrateful nephew didn’t have the courtesy to tell me about it!”

“I was going to call you, aunt Lysa. Everything was so sudden, and I didn’t have the time to call you. Things… have been complicated these couple days,” Jon said, looking at Aly. He didn’t want to say anything else, afraid of giving unnecessary information to his aunt, and not sure how much she’d know.

“You mean the baby?”

_Fuck._

“That woman told me Arya had had a baby, and neither she nor you told me anything about it!”

“I—”

“I always knew you two were just shitty ungrateful kids. All my life I dedicated to raising you two, and what did I got left? Years wasted on some kids that didn’t deserve my time.” Jon pressed the bridge of his nose, in an attempt to block the headache he was starting to feel.

“My sister is dead. I’m sorry for not letting you know sooner, but I was…”

“I don’t want to hear apologies,” Jon didn’t intend to give her one, but he kept silence, “When is the funeral? I need to pack my things and buy an airplane ticket. That shit is going to cost half of my money,” she mumbled angrily.

Jon closed his eyes, prepared for her new rant after told her. “There will be no funeral, aunt Lysa…”

“What? We need to do a ceremony; she’s going to meet with God and not even a proper ceremony will be made?!”

“She wasn’t a believer, aunt, and I’m sure Arya wouldn’t like that. It’s better this way, I don’t want to spend a whole day to remind me that my sister is dead.” His tone made it clear that he wasn’t going to change his mind, and fortunately, his aunt didn’t say anything.

“At least I wouldn’t have to spend that much money on that ticket.”

He was losing his temper, so he walked away to the kitchen and poured some water in a glass.

“Anyway, the woman who called informed me about your situation, and the baby’s” there it was, the judging tone again. “You thought the best person to raise a kid is an alcoholic doctor, with a traumatic past, who happens to be getting a divorce?”

“I am not…” he needed to fix everything, and this was the first step, “I am working on my troubles aunt, that includes my former addiction, I am going to AA,” he was going to AA, that wasn’t a lie, just that it has been months since he went. After he received the divorce papers. “She is my niece, and I am sure the last thing you want is another child to raise.”

“Well, I don’t know. You two came to me with those bad manners already. Perhaps I made this child a good one, away from all the bad example you are for her.”

“I am not…” he shut up, not wanting to lose the little temper he had left. Just then, he knew exactly what he needed to do. “Daenerys and I will raise Alyanna the best way possible, and I am sure that what Arya would’ve wanted.”

“Daenerys and you?” she asked surprised. “the last thing I knew you two got separated.”

Jon didn’t know where she got that information, nor he wanted to ask. All he knew was that he needed to get her away from Aly’s life. “It was just a small fight, is all in the past now. We are getting things back, and now with Aly, all we want is to keep her safe.”

His aunt laughed. “We’ll see about that. I just wanted to let you know that I’m aware of all the things that are happening. And I’ll be sure to be around to see that everything ends the best way possible. Even if that means to bring that baby here with me.”

He hung up the phone and rested his hands over the kitchen island, his head lowered to his chest as he tried to calm himself, as it happened every time he had news of his aunt. That woman was the hell on earth, and he was determinate to not let his niece live and go through everything he and Arya did.

Shaking his head, Jon walked out of the kitchen, trying not to focus on her. he didn’t need another problem in his life, nor her annoying and constant presence.

He found Alyanna awake and moving her feet over her. Jon smiled and took the baby on his arm, resting her little body over his chest. Days ago, he wouldn’t even try to pick a baby up, afraid he would let her fall, but now he was getting used to the feeling of her small form secure on his arm.

“Come on, sweating, we need to buy a lot of things for you to get comfy.” She gave him a smile, and he returned it with a stroke on her cheeks. “and we need to give you a proper bath, not that I am saying you smell, but… let’s just say my dishwasher is not the best place to do it, and you need baby stuff if you don’t want to end up smelling like me,”

He tickled her tummy, making her giggle and took his bag pack, filled with diapers and a milk bottle. He needed to buy a proper diaper bag. Another thing on the list.

“This is one of our newest products, it’s easier to put than those traditional ones with all the hooks and uncomfortable strips.” The woman adjusted the carrier over him and Jon watched carefully as Aly rested her head over his chest. She was suckling her fist, as he soon found out was something she enjoyed to do, her body seemed secured by the carrier, but Jon didn’t trust it so much, so he rested his hands on her back, just to be sure. “How does it feel?” the woman asked him.

“Good, I think,” he answered honestly, not sure what was she expecting, “I guess she’s the one that should have an opinion on this,” he pointed at the baby, smiling as he saw her big eyes watching him curiously, “and she is not crying, so I think is a yes,”

“She’s adorable, and looks just like you,” he didn’t reply, nor correct the woman. He took the carrier off, and gave it to her, lifting Aly on his chest, while he took his wallet out and took the credit card out of it.

“I’ll have the baby carriage too, and that thing for the car seat” Alyanna begun to whimper on his chest, so Jon moved her to rest over his arms, “Do you have one of those things where you put them while you’re cooking?” the whimpers stopped for a moment, but then the cries rose over the place, as big tears fell on her face, “Hey… it’s alright, shhh,” he cooed her, tickling her belly, but that only made her cry louder, “What happens, love, you were fine just a moment ago?”

“Try with the pacifier,” the woman told him, as she returned with the device Jon requested.

“I… don’t have one” he frowned his brows, there were so many things he needed to buy and do, that he was getting dizzy.

“Don’t worry, just… try to put your thumb on her mouth, sometimes my sister does that to my nephew and that calm him.”

Jon looked at the woman, confused for a moment, for he’d never heard of that, but then he put his index on her mouth, and immediately Aly began to suck it, while her hands squeezed his. “Thanks” Jon whispered.

“No problem. Here you go, the ‘kitchen device’” she smiled at him, “Do you need help to put all this in the car?”

“Yes, please,”

Once they got to the house, Jon put Aly on the couch and proceed to take all the things from the car. He wasn’t sure how he was going to assemble all those things together, but he hoped it wasn’t that hard. His stomach moved and let out a sound, making him know he needs some food. Taking his phone, Jon proceeds to order some food, and then he began to unpack all the things he bought.

It wasn’t as easy as he thought, Jon found out moments later, as he tried to assemble one of the carriers. He read the instructions once again, but as much as he tried, that thing just didn’t fit.

Ghost walked to Jon and sat beside him on the floor. “For fuck's sake,” Jon groaned as he tried once again to fit it.

Just then there was a knock on the door, and Ghost ran to it moving his tail as he barks once at whoever was on the other side. Jon got up, and after gazing once against Aly, secured on the sofa with several pillows around her, he took his wallet, expecting to find the delivery man with his food.

“Well, that was fast, I thought…” he begun to say once the door was open, but everything got lost as he saw the person in front of him. “Dany…”

Daenerys played with the straps of her purse, as she nodded at him and lowered her body to meet Ghost. “Hi… I, uh, I hope I’m not interrupting something…”

“No! of course not, I was just… assemble some stuff” he moved his hands over his hair.

Dany nodded, looking at him for a moment and then lowering her eyes to her hands. “Can we talk?”

Jon’s eyes opened wide, as he moved aside to let her in, “Of course, come in” he saw then some bags on the floor beside her, “Let me help you with it”

“Thank you. I –I bought some things for Aly that I thought you may need,”

Jon closed the door behind her, looking inside the bags on his hands and finding diapers, clothes, and other baby things. His chest constricted then, at the thought of Daenerys buying this for them. “You didn’t have to...” he said, as he put the bags over the table.

“Having a baby is not easy, I just thought you’ll need those things.” She walked to the sofa and watched with a smile at the baby. “Hello there, my darling,” she picked her up and begun to kiss her cheeks, smiling as the baby rose her hands to touch her face. “Aren’t you the prettiest baby on earth?” she sat on the couch and adjust the baby to her chest, caressing her curls. Jon’s chest hurt at the sight, his heart filling with old thoughts and hopes. “she looks just like her.” Dany whispered.

Jon nodded, sitting on the chair in front of them, not wanting to disturb her personal space. “Yes… I know is silly because she’s just a baby, but… every time she smiles, it’s just as if it was Arya herself.” His eyes went watery, so he shook his head and tried not to think on her. “Dany, I—”

“Wait, just… let me speak.” She said, not meeting his eyes, only focus on the baby. “I know that yesterday was a difficult day, and well, the things we said and what you did, didn’t help that much.” She sighed, closing her eyes and then opening them, meeting his for the first time, “What I mean is… I am sorry if I was hard on you yesterday. You just lost your sister and I wasn’t the best supporter, at all.”

“You don’t have to apologize…”

She shook her head again, “I understand why you did it. The lie to the social worker, I mean. I know how much Arya means to you, and Aly more. The perspective of losing her too is something hard, and I don’t want it that for you, Jon. Believe it or not, the last thing I want is to see you suffer.”

“No, Dany, stop. I am the one that should be apologizing. I was an ass, I use you, and I didn’t have to do that on your expense.”

“I know, Jon. And I understand that. You deserve to have Aly with you, and I know how much you two suffered in your aunt’s hands. I don’t want that for the baby,” her arms surrounded Aly closer to her as if she wanted to protect her from everything. “I can’t do that to her, or Arya, or you.”

Jon’s heart begun to run faster, as the perspective of what she was saying. But he kept silence, afraid he could say something that ruined the moment.

“But, Jon, having a baby is not that simple… we both know that” she whispered, her eyes watering for a moment, but then she composed herself. “I know you want the best for Aly, and I do too, but… you have to think about it. It’s a person we’re talking about.”

“I know that, Daenerys.” Just with that, his hopes flipped and went down on an instant. “I know I am not the best example to her, nor the better me to be a better person for her. but she is my blood, and I am not going to let her go away”

Daenerys looked at him, and for a moment, Jon saw something inside her eyes. The same look she always had to him whenever he felt lost or alone. With just that look, Jon always managed to feel safe and secure, knowing there was someone there with him. But that was in the past. She was not there now, not as much as he wanted to.

“Just yesterday, you told me you wanted to kill yourself, Jon,” Daenerys said seriously.

He cursed inside, as he stood and walked around the kitchen. “I know how it sounded, but it was not what I mean.”

“Then explain to me, because that’s exactly what it meant to me.”

Jon stopped moving, and with his back turned to her, he sighed, “When I was in Iraq, the only thing that kept me sane was you. And I know how crazy and mad that sound, but it’s the truth, Daenerys. Every day, I saw soldiers dying in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, even if I was the doctor, I couldn’t help them. I wanted to fight for them, to make something and help them to at least get out of there alive, but it was hard. I wanted to get out that place myself, but I know I couldn’t. it was my job to save their lives, it was my job to do the best I could, even if that means that at one moment, I had to save an enemy’s live. It was so fucking hard to see everyone around you crying with pain, begging you to save them, to put an end on their suffering. And just like that, when I thought it was over, when I thought I finally will be able to be with the woman I love, things just got worst.”

At that point, Daenerys was weeping softly, her face hidden on Aly’s little body, as she hugged the baby closer to her. Jon didn’t see her, his eyes were closed, as he covered his face with his hands. “I wanted to be the old me when I returned, but no matter how hard I tried, how hard I wanted to tell my mind that it was over, it seems that life didn’t want me to forget… and I hate myself for all the suffering I made you went through, you didn’t deserve to see me like that, and I didn’t deserve to have you if I couldn’t put my shit together. And I know that I know that now. That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, though., it hurts every day. And every day I curse myself for what I did, for what I did to you. That’s the truth. And I know how it sounds, I know what it means, but I didn’t have anything left, Daenerys, and that’s the worst feeling someone could have.” He rose his face then, and their eyes met. Hers, full of tears and unspoken words. His, full of regret and pain. “I want to have something to fight for because I can’t do this alone. I can’t put myself together alone. And I know I am not the best model for Aly, but I want to be one, because she’s all I have left, and I know I can’t let myself to drown in that deep hole. I can’t. and at some point I want to feel that this is more than just for her, that is also for me, that I am worth it, because I hate everything I become after all this time, and I want to feel that I can make things right. That I can do it, by myself.”

Dany was speechless. Months ago, she would’ve given anything to hear these words from him, but she knew that things weren’t that easy at that time. Ironic, she knew, but their lives turned upside down in a time where neither of them knew how to turn it up again. But this, this was something she’d longed for so many days.

“I am not going to lie to you, Dany. Every day is a battle, but I am trying, really trying this time to fight it. I know I need help, and as much as it hurt me to admit it, I am trying to look for it.” He admitted, making her eyes went wide with that. “I returned to the psychologist; just a few appointments, but…” he sighed “at least is something, I guess.”

“That’s… wonderful, Jon.” And for the first time, Daenerys smiled at him. “I am happy to hear that.”

He nodded, “I start talking too much and didn’t let you tell me anything of what you wanted to say…” he chuckled, trying to erase the tension, and for much of his like, she returned the gesture.

“I was thinking, really thinking about everything that happened yesterday…” she looked at Aly, now lying comfortably on her arms, with her little face pressed over her chest. “and if you want to do this, to really do this…”

“I do”

Dany nodded, closing her eyes and then looking at him serious, “I’ll help you.”

Jon was out of words. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Daenerys wanted to do it; she was going to help him. Aly will be with them…

“But I have some things to say before that.” She told him, raising her hands to stop whatever imagine he had inside. “First of all, the priority here is Aly, and I want the best for her, that’s why I need you to be the best of you, Jon.”

“Of course.”

“I am glad to hear you look for help, and I hope that gives you the mental health you wish for, because believe me, I want that for you too.” Her eyes looked at him softly, as her finger caressed Aly’s curls. “and you can’t drink anymore, Jon, that’s not good for you, and you know it.”

“I won’t” since her sister’s death, he hadn’t touched a single bottle of alcohol, and he didn’t want to think about it after everything that happened. He had stopped drinking a few months ago, but the night before Arya’s death reminded him of a dark event that he so badly wanted to erase, that was why he did it.

“I know it’ll be difficult to do it, but I am whiling to fight the custody battle with you, and I know that means to stop the divorce papers until we had the final verdict.” Jon frowned his brows confused, and Daenerys let out the breath she was holding. “this will not be real, Jon.”

“What do you mean ‘real?” Jon asked,

“We are not coming back.” She sentenced, sending a shiver to his bones. “I am whiling to play the perfect marriage in front of everyone else, but as soon as it’s over, so is this.” Her eyes closed, as she tried to control her emotions. “I can’t put myself on this again, Jon, and you know that… I just…”

Before her eyes drop the tears she was holding, Jon kneeled in front of her, taking her hand on his, “Shh… I know, Daenerys.” He whispered.

“I just…” her voice shivered, but Jon only shook his head.

“What you are doing is more than what I deserve, and I am grateful for that. I will not ask for anything else you are not willing to do; you have my word” he said softly. “I don’t want to hurt you more than I already have”

“I know you won’t” she whispered, letting the old hopes rose in them, but knowing it was dangerous to let it drown by them

“Then we’ll do it. For Aly” he gave her a small smile, and Dany nodded.

“For Aly” she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the long wait! Author's block sucks. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter!

Chapter 5:

Jon hadn’t thought how hard this idea would be the moment he thought about it if he was honest.

Having Dany around his life again, after they broke up, was torture.

But having Dany around his life, living at his place, taking care of a baby was something else. It was a nightmare.

But not a bad one, well, kind of. It was a dream he’d had not long ago: a family with her, with their own home, and a dog. It was a perfect dream. But just like that, it wasn’t real, and having her around, with a baby, a dog, and their own home, only reminded him of everything he once hoped, but it would never be real.

Aly’s fingers on his beard brought him back to reality. Lowering his face, he smiled at the baby, while he took the bottle on his hands and proceed to feed her. “You look small, but for sure you eat more than me!” he smirked at the baby, walking to the sofa and managing to turn on the tv with his free hand.

Ghost jumped into the couch, his head resting on his lap as he saw the baby on Jon’s arms. He never thought the dog would’ve got so used to a baby around the house, but so far, he was Aly’s shadow. Funny how he always seemed happy to be around the baby, even when she sleeps, he finds comfort just laying down with her, as if he could sense she needed to be protected.

A knock on the door made Ghost jump from the sofa, and ran quickly towards it, barking at whoever was there. Carefully of not disturbing Aly’s feed, Jon got up and opened the door. Dany was out there, with some bags around, squeezing her purse nervously.

“Hey…”

“Hey,” Jon said, and for a moment stood there, just staring at her and coming to the realization of the fact that this was happening.

“Can I come in?” she asked, as he was in the middle of the door staring at her.

“Sure, sure. Here, let me help you…” he went to take her bags, but Aly was still on his arms, making it impossible. “Just… take Aly”

“It’s okay, I can do it--” before she could protest, he was placing the baby to her arms, and just with that, the moment their skins touched and eyes met send them months ago, when they were just husband and wife, loving each other, despite their differences, despite everything around them, it was the memory of everything they had.

But it was gone.

Daenerys was the first one to break their contact, lowering her eyes to Aly and avoiding whatever just happened. “I wanted to buy some things for Aly, but I wasn’t sure if you’ll be okay with it.” Closing the door, Jon put her bags on the living room and watched as she sat and finished feeding Aly.

“You don’t have to spend money on her, don’t trouble yourself,” shaking her head, Dany rested the bottle on the table and proceed to put Aly on her shoulder, patting her back softly.

“I don’t mind, really” She let out a soft laugh as the baby burp, and then lowered her to her knees, caressing her rosy cheeks with her thumb.

“I’ll put your things inside,” Jon said before the temptation of joining them were too strong to avoid it.

Once he left in his room, he sat on the other side of the sofa. Ghost jumped and sat in the middle of them, gazing curiously at the baby on Dany’s lap, moving her legs over her body.

“There are some things I need to buy for her, there’s a crib, but I think she needs a comfortable one, I only use it when I need to place her where she wouldn’t roll, and it’s not very comfortable either,”

“Where does she sleep, then?” Dany asked, looking at him with a frown.

“With me.” He saw a soft smile reach Dany’s lips, and he lowered his eyes embarrassed, instead, looked at the baby and touched one of her toes, “You can sleep in the main room, the other one doesn’t have a bed, and I was thinking of turning it into the baby’s room. I’ll sleep here,” he patted the sofa. Dany nodded slowly, this time avoiding his eyes too, and focusing on Aly.

“Have you heard anything from the social worker?” her eyes met his, with a worried look on them. Jon shook his head, caressing Ghost’s fur absently.

“No, she told me the child’s program will be in contact with me in the next few days; she’ll be coming around to see how things are going before the trial”

Dany nodded, her arms hugging Alyanna closer to her. When her eyes went to Jon’s features again, she saw a worried look on him, “There’s something else?”

Jon sighed, his fingers pressing the top of his brow in an attempt to erase the tension. “My aunt called…” Dany’s gasp made him know she was aware of what that meant, “apparently someone in the program told her about the accident, and informed her about Aly”

“Jon…”

Shaking his head, he extended his arms to Aly and took the baby on them, her little head rested on his chest, where he knew she could feel his heart beating, something he learned that calmed her. Such as it calmed him feeling her on his arms. “We barely had contact with her after Arya and I left town, she never told her anything about Aly or Gendry.” Resting his head on the back of the sofa, he closed his eyes, “Now she says the best thing for Aly is to be with her”

“She abused you two!” Dany exclaimed with rage. “That’s not a person who should be in charge of a baby! You have to tell them that, they need to know the kind of person she is.”

Daenerys was a passionate woman, Jon always knew that, and just now, her body was shaking with the rage she was feeling. There was nothing he wanted more than took her on his arms and letting her know everything will be alright, that they will get through this.

But he wasn’t even sure of that.

“She’s a clever woman, she’ll know how to get away with all of that.” For nearly fifteen years, she’d know how to do it, Jon thought. “She knows about us, too.”

“How?”

“I’m not sure, but when we spoke, I told her we… we were going to raise Aly together, and she told me we’d broken up”

“That woman is crazy…” Dany only had met her once, on a trip she and Jon made years ago to his natal town. Despite his years living with the old woman, Jon had good memories of his town, especially those that involved his parents and the days when they were all happy. They were walking on the streets when Lysa came around and spot them, and after a few words and some claims of being an ungrateful child, Daenerys concluded that she was more and worst of the picture Jon gave her.

“She has the winning side, I know it, but still…” his eyes met Aly’s big and dark ones, and despite the tension, he couldn’t avoid the smile that came to his lips as he saw the baby looking at him, “I can’t lose her too,”

“You won’t”

Just then, her hands went to his arm in a comfortable touch, and as their eyes met, Jon found lost in them, feeling the same warm on his heart whenever he was around her. “I know you won’t. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t”

*-*

A routine as a married couple was nothing compared to a routine as a couple with a baby, nor to say a former separate couple with a baby. Even though his house wasn’t small, having just one habitable room and one bathroom was a problem. Two adults, a baby, and a dog were starting to become a mess.

“I used to love this house,” Jon groaned, staring at Ghost whose body occupied half of the sofa, and his big eyes stared at him as if there was nothing wrong in the world, even though he was a big mass of white fur occupying his seat. He kept cleaning the mess on the living room, the place full of toys, baby clothes, and unboxing things he’d bought the day before. It was a mess.

“Jon!” he heard Dany’s voice on the other side of the house, “Bring me more diapers!”

He let the clothes and toys he had on his arms over the sofa, and took the diaper bag from the kitchen, running to his room and opening the door.

“God…” he muttered as he entered his room, the smell was something he hadn’t get used to. “How can a small toddler make that amount of shit” passing Dany the diaper bag, he squeezed his nose in an attempt to block the smell.

“Here,” she told him, passing a very much upset Alyanna to his arms,

“What—”

“I need a shower, she burped on me” indeed, there was a white stain on her blouse and her hair; he passed her a wet towel and she cleaned it the best she could.

Before he could say anything, she was taking off her top, wearing just her pants and black bra. Jon almost got a heart attack at the view, the soft white skin on her back was as much as he remembered, but before his mind could wander on the feeling of that skin under his touch, she disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind her.

Alyanna’s scream got him out of his daydream, the baby’s face was full of tears, while her fist went on her mouth, sobs shaking her body, “Here, here, let’s see this mess” he joked, putting her on the bed.

He cleaned the baby, but before he put her diapers on, Daenerys came out of the bathroom, wearing a bath, “I think she needs a shower too. Where do you keep the… eh… baby tub? I don’t even know how it’s called” she surrounded Aly’s body with a towel, and then carried her on her arms.

Jon tried his hard no to look at her, the sight of her wearing just a bath and imagining nothing else was under it, got him out of his sense. “I—Uhm, I haven’t bought one of those, so far, the only time I tried to bath her was in the kitchen with a basket I found in the laundry the other day,” he cheeks went red as he saw Dany’s face with a smirk, trying not to laugh at him, “It was a mess, so I haven’t tried it again… I need to buy one of those, though”

Daenerys couldn’t help but giggled at this, taking him back for a moment. It’d been so long since Jon had seen her happy, much less laughing like those first years together. It was a sight he wouldn’t change by anything, even if she was laughing at him, just the memory of all those years of happiness made his heart jump with a slight hope he didn’t dare to feel since a long time.

“I’m sorry,” she said to him, but the giggles were still escaping from her mouth. “It’s just that I imagine the scene, and well…”

Not trying to hide his feelings, Jon laughed too with her, remembering the scene he had experienced not long ago. He was sure Alyanna hated him since then, for the baby spend the whole bath crying and moving uncomfortably on the basket, since then, Jon refused to do it again, afraid he was hurting her. “I know… it wasn’t really funny,” he smiled down at her niece and catch her gazing at him with curious eyes as if she could sense they were talking about her. “I think she hadn’t forgiven me for that, don’t you sweetling?” he cooed at her, making her let out a wordless sound, as she smiled at him with her fist in her mouth.

Dany watched the scene with a warm inside her, thinking of all the things that could’ve been, and picturing that same scene, but with a different scenario. She wondered if things could be the same if the page of their lives could change to something new, the new beginning life was giving to them, but it hurt to think about that, she knew, for all the hopes she once had, were now in the life she left behind.

“Dany? Are you okay?”

His voice pulled her out of her daydreams, and she shook her head, moving closer and taking Aly from his arms. “Yeah, I was just thinking we should buy one of those bathtubs for her, and other things she may need”

“Yeah, sure. If you don’t mind, we could go today and buy the things we need. I bought somethings yesterday, but I am afraid I didn’t know what I should buy”

“Sure. I’ll just take a quick shower and I’ll try to give her one too” she tickled Aly’s belly and smiled.

“Do you need help?” the words get out of his mouth before he could process it. It was a mistake, and he realized that by Dany’s petrified face, “I mean, to clean her and that,” he tried to correct himself but failing in the process.

“No… I—we’ll be fine.” Gazing down her feet, Dany turned and shut the bathroom door behind her. Jon let out a sigh, as he sat heavily on the bed. As much as he tried to think of this as the best way possible for his problems, part of him knew that it could only end on one of two ways: Dany and him living peacefully or them hating each other more than they did now. That was his biggest fear, that the time of them being together again only reaffirm her decision to cut things with him; that would just destroy him.

*-*

The bell rang as he opened the door to let Dany in; she pushed Aly’s scroller into the store, and Jon walked behind her, carrying the diaper bag on one shoulder. “Should I put her out?” she rose her big blue eyes at him, taking him back for a moment.

“We are going to search for many things, I believe she’ll be more comfortable in there” he smiled at the baby, looking at them both with her fist in her mouth.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Dany rose her finger over her cheeks, smiling as the baby took it on her chubby ones. “She looks so small, that I just feel she might break at any moment.”

“Aye,”

Dany laughed at that, and Jon reminded that she always made fun of him for his northerner way of speak, even if it has been years since he lived in his birthplace. “And I don’t want to spoil her either,” she told him.

“Spoil her?” he asked confused, as they walked past the different sections of the store. They stopped at the diapers section, and Jon put some of them in the scroller.

“Yeah, I’ve read that if you have the baby all the time in your arms, she won’t develop independence, and she will always want you to take her up. So yeah, spoil her”

“Well, I think there should be a part where they teach you how to not do it because personally, I find it very difficult not to be with her on my arms all the time,” he laughed, and his smile grew bigger as he saw her giggle too.

“Yeah, me too.”

“So,” he began after a moment of silence, “you read about it?”

He saw her cheeks blush, and the moment he avoided her eyes, Jon cursed himself for bringing the subject. “Yes, a long time ago.”

Jon wanted to slap himself for breaking the good moment they were having, with such a stupid comment. He should have known it; he should have just shut his mouth and enjoy the perfect time they were having.

Before he could apologize, a voice from the other side of the room made them turn around. “Hello again!” the same woman that helped him yesterday with the things he bought for Aly smiled at them with her perfect white teeth’s. “Forgot something for the baby?”

Jon nodded, “Aye, a few things for this little one,”

The woman walked towards them, and seemed to notice Dany, so she added, “Brought your wife so you don’t forget anything for your baby this time, eh?” she laughed, and Jon felt his face went pale.

He turned to Dany, wanting to correct the woman’s statement, but the look on her face made him lost all the words he wanted to say. Daenerys’ face was as pale as moonlight, and her features had hardened trying to cover the emotions happening inside her. “She is not my daughter,” she said in a cold tone, making Jon shiver at that.

The woman seemed to realize her mistake, and by the look on her face, she wanted to disappear at that moment. Looking at Jon one last time, she nodded and said, “My apologies. I –I should get going, if you need anything, my name is Clara.”

“Dany…”

“Let’s… took the rest of the things we need. I have a headache.” She pushed the scroller to pass him, and Jon lowered his eyes to his hands. All the perfect moments the had before, broken by a single thing. That was what he feared the most, that their stability was as fragile as glass, waiting the time to break them apart.

*-*

Their car ride went as tense as it could, and the moment they reached his house, Daenerys didn’t mention a word, only going out the car and unfastening Aly’s seat-belt. Taking her own arms, she walked towards the house, just whispering something about changing her diaper.

He started taking all the things they bought inside the house, and once he finished, Jon closed the door behind him, lowering to pet Ghost. “Hey buddy,” he smiled at him. He saw his bathroom door closed, and let out a sigh. “See, bud, I just don’t know how to make things right…”

Ghost lowered his head to the side, and Jon pats it once more, before walking towards the kitchen. At least he could try to make something for dinner that cheers them up from this disaster.

He was watching a football game when the door opened slowly behind him. Turning around, Jon found Dany staring at him with red cheeks and glassy eyes.

“Hey…” she whispered softly, walking towards him, but carefully avoiding his eyes.

“Hey,” he said, noticing her cheekbones looked more pronounced than before. “I –I made dinner, left you something in the oven,”

She nodded, and by his surprise, sat beside him on the couch. Jon wanted nothing more than hug here at that moment, apologize for everything that happened, and making sure their relationship stayed on good terms.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, this time, raising her eyes to him. Jon stood in silence, lost for a moment and not knowing exactly what to say.

“Dany, you don’t have to apologize, I—”

“I do.” She said, closing her eyes and sighing. “I was mean, I should say those things. Aly didn’t deserve that, you didn’t either. I shouldn’t take off my own rage with you two.”

“It’s alright, you did nothing wrong…”

“But I did!” her lower lip was trembling, and her eyes filled with water again, “She is not my daughter but I love her as my own, I shouldn’t say those things. It was meant, and I shouldn’t say it… it’s just that… that it hurt…”

He couldn’t stand watching her suffer anymore, so boldly, Jon pulled Daenerys into his arms. At first, she tensed under him, her hands resting on his chest as if she wanted to pull apart. But before Jon could change his mind and apologize with her for doing it, Dany surrounded his neck with her arms, hiding her face under the neck, while the sobs took over her.

“I’m sorry,” she kept whispering, and Jon could feel the wetness on his shirt.

“It’s okay…” he tried to comfort her, but his own eyes filled with tears as she shook under him. His arms surrounded her closer, his face hides on the moonglow of her hair, smelling the so familiar sense of it. “It’s okay…”

“I’m sorry,” she kept saying, her hands squeezing the back of his shirt tightly, “I’m sorry, Jon… our baby… I’m sorry”

This time, the tears he so hard tried to hide fell over his cheeks. He hugged her closer, as the memories begun to came back. Dark moments started playing on his mind, as his sobs mixed with her in a melody that filled the room. He tried to think of a way to stop the tears, but the pain was too hard to handle it.

The only thing he could say, the only thing he could do was hugging her closer to his heart, as the same words repeated over and over, “It’s okay…”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! A cliffhanger, but don't worry, the next chapter will start right after we left this!
> 
> Let me know what you think!! xoxo


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments on the last chapter! I am so happy to see you'all enjoy the story! (btw, I am so sorry for not reply all the comments, I was off line for a couple of days :( ) 
> 
> This chapter turned out to be one of the hardest one to wirte so far. So many emotions, I hope I captured them right, I must say I am not so sattisfied with how it turned up, but I hope I captured everything right(? 
> 
> I know there are a lot of questions, and I promess the answers will come as the chapters go on. This will not be a long story, so if you think the chapters are rushed, that's the why (lol). 
> 
> On a side note, I must confess I almost cry writing this, never happen before and I think the period had something to do with it (TMI hahaha) and also 'chasing cars' by Snow Patrol. In any case, prepare your klenex.
> 
> WARNING:
> 
> Mention of miscarriage and physical abuse-trauma.

Chapter 6

_“Snow,”_

_Jon rose his face at the sound, his back hurt by the position and the uncomfortable bed where he was sleeping -if that could be called a bed-. “What is it?” he said, thinking of the idea of coming back to the camp. Maybe one of the soldiers needed new stitches, or perhaps it was a new crew that came from the south looking for help. In any case, Jon knew it meant his night sleep was done._

_“The commander needs you in the central.” Pyp, that was the name of the man addressing him, a short skinny boy, not much younger than him, but clever in the strategies and electronic devices._

_“In the central? At this hour?” he frowned his brows, wondering what could be so important for him to go there._

_“Don’t know, man,” with a last look at him, he turned around and left him alone in the small room._

_Jon let out a sigh and got up the bed. He took his shirt and the gun he always had behind the bed. He had never used one, nor he expected to do it, but if there was a thing he had learned on his time in Iraq was that he could never give things for guaranty._

_As he walked by the corridors of the bunker, Jon tried to ignore the tense silence that followed him. He should be thankful for it, but Jon knew before the calm was the storm, and as much as he wanted to be positive, it was something he was beginning to forget here. It had only been a couple of months since he returned from his license, and there was not a single day where he didn’t regret leaving his home. And Dany._

_“Jon, sorry for interrupting your sleep,” Commander Davos greeted him, sat on a chair behind several electronic devices._

_“Commander,” he nodded at him, then sat. “Is there a problem with the other forces?” he asked with a frown. “It’s been days since any report from the Giants station, and doctor Tarly hasn’t informed me of new patients from there.”_

_“Calm down, Jon” Davos smiled at him, passing a glass filled with a dark liquid, presumably whiskey, “It’s about your wife,”_

_“Dany,” his face went pale immediately, “Something happened to her?”_

_“No, no, relax, lad. You had a call from her earlier, but you were on guard so the call was missing, I just recently was informed of it, so I send for you so you could call her. It must be important, elsewhere she would’ve sent a letter or something…”_

_Jon didn’t hear the last thing he said, instead reached from the phone and started to mark the number he very well knew. At some point, Davos left the room, and Jon only focused on hearing his wife voice._

_“Hello?” she sounded as if she was sleeping, which Jon realized by the time zone at his home._

_“Dany, darling, it’s me”_

_“Jon?” he could picture her face and the way her eyes shined with her beauty._

_“Aye,” he smiled, his hand on his curls, fixing the mess that was probably his hair after a nap. “How are you, honey?”_

_“I’m fine… I can believe I’m hearing your voice,” her tone broke, and Jon’s heart flipped at the thought of her suffering. “I miss you so much…”_

_“Shh, I know, love, I miss you too,” he whispered with tears in his eyes. The time apart was something he could never recover, but it was his duty._

_“Are you okay? Are you eating well? I heard there was a problem with the food that they send for the camps…”_

_“I’m fine, love, we are all eating healthy,” he couldn’t help but laugh at her concern, and then he heard the beautiful sound of her giggles behind the phone. “And you? Are you eating well?”_

_There was a pause after his question, and Jon frowned his brows, “Well… I’ve been a little bit… sick these days”_

_“Sick? What is it, honey? Have you seen a doctor?” his heart began to rise faster, hands sweating and his face pale._

_“I did, I did” she laughed, and Jon’s face frowned, “He said I am more than fine, don’t worry… it’s, well, normal in my condition…” she whispered the last part._

_“Your condition? Dany, love, you are scaring me. Everything is fine? Please tell me the truth”_

_“Jon, I’m pregnant.” At the other side of the phone, Daenerys had tears falling from her face, as she whispered the words she so longed wished, “We are going to have a baby, love”_

_Jon’s mind went black as he processed the information, and then, when everything seemed silence in the room, not a single sound heard, Jon Snow let out a cheering sound, laughing as the tears filled his eyes too._

*-*

“Here, drink this” Daenerys rose her eyes as Jon extended his hands to her, and took the cup from it, “It a mint tea,”

“Thank you,” she whispered, taking a sip from it.

After her moment of vulnerability, where they both lost in each other’s arms, Daenerys had managed to put some space between them, the closer of his body too much to handle it in a moment like this. There was nothing that Dany whished more than get lost on them, but she couldn’t, her heart wouldn’t bear it again.

“Dany…”

She looked up at him and found what she so desperately didn’t want. Pity. That was why she couldn’t allow herself to be vulnerable around him anymore. She couldn’t take all the responsibility she felt of what happened, not by him, not.

“If you want to talk about—”

“No.” her voice sounded harsh, which she didn’t mean on purpose, but it was all it took for Jon to look at her with wide eyes. “I just… there’s nothing to talk about.”

“But—”

“I said no!” she put her hands over her mouth after that, wide eyes staring at him in guilty, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have to scream at you…”

“It’s okay…” he lowered his eyes and sat on the chair, “It’s the least I deserve.” He got up and took the empty cup from her hands. “It was all my fault. I deserve all your screams.”

“No, Jon, that was not—” Daenerys took a step closer to him, her eyes filling with tears as she saw his tense features.

Jon shook his head and turned his back to her, “I’ll go to check on Aly before going to sleep. Goodnight.”

“Jon…” Dany whispered, but he was gone then, leaving her with a few tears falling on her face, as she fell heavily over the sofa, her hands covering her face in frustration.

There were so many things she wanted to say, but her mind didn’t seem to make peace with her heart. All the emotions this situation got her, only made it worse. She tried, she tried, but it seemed that every time they made a step forward, two made backward. And no matter how hard she wanted to forget the things from the past, an unsteady feeling always took over her.

*-*

_“Snow, there’s a mail for you!” Jon turned his eyes from the wound he was cleaning, gazing at the other side of the nursery as one of the soldiers moved the package over his head._

_“I’ll come as soon as I finish, Dave,” a groan escaped from the man over the table, and Jon sighed in frustration._

_“I told you to stay in bed for a least two days, Joseph,” rolling his eyes, he tried his best to stitch back his wound, “you’re lucky it didn’t get infected with all the sand and dirt that’s out there.”_

_“I know, doc…” the man sighed, and then frowned his face as Jon passed the needle on his skin._

_After Jon washed his hands and changed his clothes, he was able to return to his rooms, finding an envelopment over his bed. Sitting beside it, Jon took it and broke the seal, noticing it was from Dany._

_‘Daddy,_

_Today we had an echography, the doctor said I am growing strong in mama’s belly, but I was sleeping on my tummy and they couldn’t find out if I was a boy or a girl. Mama wanted to give you the surprise, but I think she has to wait until she eats one of those chocolate cakes aunty Arya makes, so I can be wide away for the next appointment._

_The doctor told mama she needs to rest and eats a lot of fruits and vegetables, and he also sends her a few vitamins I need to grow strong inside her, and be as strong as my dad when I born. Mama misses you so much, and we both hope to see you when you return from saving the world._

_There is a picture of me inside mama, and others she took from her belly so you can see how big I am with only five months._

_With lots of love, Mama and a little pumpkin.’_

_Jon smiled as he took the pictures from the inside of the envelopment. He smiled as he saw the black and white sonogram and the shape of his baby. It seemed unreal that it was all happening so fast._

_Then, he took the other photographs and smiled as he saw his wife’s face, a big smile on her face as she smiled at the camera, with both of her hands over her belly in a blue dress. Others showed her on the bed, her hand rising from her body as she pointed at her bare belly with a finger and a surprise emotion on her face. he couldn’t help but laugh as he saw the other pictures, all showing a sequence of how much she had changed. A sense of emptiness filled on him, at the thought of how he wasn’t able to be around her and experience all the moments with her._

_Jon knew there was nothing he would like more than being by her side; touching her belly and feeling his baby move inside her, surrounding her with his arms and feel the essence of her perfume, hearing her laugh and watching her beautiful blue eyes shine._

_He made up his mind then. As much as he wanted to help the people here, he couldn’t allow that time to get lost. He would never forget himself for it, and he was going to do all on his hands to return to his family. This was his second mission. Jon almost missed his sister’s wedding, and now his wife was on the other side of the earth, alone and pregnant. He couldn’t forgive himself if he wasn’t there with her when the time came._

_He needed to return with his family._

*-*

Daenerys couldn’t sleep. She turned and turned around the bed -Jon’s bed- but it seemed her mind didn’t want to rest of all the things that had happened that day. She looked up at the ceiling, wondering how things could go from good to worst in a single moment. She knew her relationship status with Jon wasn’t exactly the best as before when they were married, and she so longed to change that. The problem was that she didn’t know-how.

Getting up the bed, she took the robe from the chair and put it around her body, covering from the night cold. She looked down at Aly’s crib beside the bed, and smiled at the baby’s sleeping form; caressing softly her curls, she thought of the cousin she could have if things were different. Dany tried not to think about that often, long time ago has passed since she made peace with her heart about that subject, but the events of today turned out different of what she had expected, and she couldn’t deny the emotions that ran inside her the moment she thought about that again.

She turned around and got out of the room, closing the door softly behind her to not wake Alyanna. Just then, as she walked towards the kitchen, the light on catch her attention.

She should turn around and go back to sleep, let the subject die in the night, but she couldn’t, as much as she wanted. “Hi” she whispered, slowly walking to the fridge.

Jon turned his eyes to her, wide and tired grey ones met hers, a surprise expression over his face, “Dany… hey,”

“Aly is about to wake,” she said casually, taking out the formula and the water, “I’m just going to make her bottle before she does,”

“Sure,” Jon said in a plain tone, “I couldn’t sleep so I get up for some water.”

Dany hummed, her back to him as she started to mix the formula. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to find the courage to say the words out loud. Finally, and after moments of silence, she gazed over her shoulder at him, “Jon… I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier…”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said to her, as he rose from the seat,

“It is.” Dany said firmly, it took all the courage inside her to say those words, “I shouldn’t have talked to you the way I did, and I am sorry. Everything just… go out of control… every time I think about that it’s just as if the time turns back and everything is happening again… and I don’t wish to carry all this pain forever, but it seems I couldn’t help my emotions to be so wild sometimes…”

“I know, I feel the same.” Jon nodded at her, looking down at the glass on his hands. “it’s even harder when the self-blame is all you have inside”

Daenerys eyes filled with water again, so she closed them, trying not to let her emotions took over her again. she felt Jon moving to her until he was at her side, the so familiar smell made her knees shiver, and the moment she opened her eyes she couldn’t help the tear that fell over. Jon’s finger managed to catch it, but she took a step back, “I don’t want you to feel pity for me,”

“That’s not—” Jon stopped himself, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh, “How is that everything the subject comes out we can’t have a normal conversation?” the angry on his voice made her heart stops. “I tried, I tried so hard to be there for you, but it’s like you always resented me for what happened? That’s it?” his voice tone had risen, as he walked backward, but his eyes never left hers.

“What? I –that’s not what this is about, Jon,” her hands went to her face, in an attempt to clean the tears that were falling without noticing them.

“Then what it is about, Daenerys? I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn’t, and I will forever regret that, but I can’t change what happens, what I could do, was being there with you, trying to be a support in those times, but all I got were rejections, that only made me think it was all my fault.”

“No, Jon… I never… I never wanted you to feel that way…” her voice broke as she looked at his watering eyes. That was not what she had wanted, she longed for his presence, for his support in those times, but at the same, the guilty and failure of what had happened made it almost impossible to figure out what was happening between them.

Jon ran his hand on his hair, trying to erase the tense on his body, long time ago, he should have took her in arms, telling her everything will be okay, that they could face together whatever life had for them, but now, it seemed like a good dream, but the reality was, their life wouldn’t be as before. “That was all I got to offer, I wasn’t there when the accident happens, I wasn’t there at the hospital, never got the chance to hold her, but as soon as I was with you, I wanted to give you everything I couldn’t before, but I wasn’t enough.”

Those words ended up breaking the last peace of Dany’s heart. She remembered well how long she had to wait for him to come back to her, the fear she felt as she reached to the emergency room, her heartbreaking the moment she didn’t hear her baby’s crying, and only the lifeless body over her breast proved that she had once existed inside her. She longed for his presence, and the uncertainty feeling of not knowing if she was a widow already made it all worst. But when the time came, and she saw Jon’s face alive and well again, she wasn’t the same, she had lost too much.

“No, it wasn’t,” she whispered to the floor, the words she never wanted to say out loud came, and it was as if a huge weight was pulled over her shoulders.

Jon’s face went pale with her words. All the feelings he had feared came true, and there was nothing he could do to change the past events. “But I don’t hate you, neither did before. After all the pain, I wasn’t me. Nothing was enough to fill the emptiness inside me, no matter how much I wanted, it wasn’t”

“All I ever wanted, was to be with you” was all Jon could say without losing his voice.

“I know” Dany’s eyes softened, as she moved closer to him. “I dreamed all the time about it, and I thought when I saw you again everything was going to be the same…” but it wasn’t. depression hit hard on her, and no matter how there was a part of her that lost the battle too. She could see that now, and it took months of self-work and therapy to acknowledge all the thing she needed to change, forget and forgive. 

“But it wasn’t” Jon’s shook his head as a sigh came out of him, “I wasn’t good support, you know it and I do too. I was sick and I didn’t want to see it.”

“I am not blaming you for anything, Jon. It was my fault that our baby died that night—”

“But it was my fault you were in that car, Daenerys!” Jon screamed. “If I wasn’t being so reckless none of that would have happened! I had a mission, but all I could think about was coming back here to be with you. I wasn’t thinking and I pay for that in the hardest way.” Dark memories came back to him, as he felt the scar over his heart pulse. The imagines begin to play inside his mind, and all he could think about was the gun over his head, his sweaty hands trying to cover the bullet hole on the body in front of him.

“Jon?”

He had lost the count of how many days he had been there, but there wasn’t a single moment when the pain and the fear didn’t accompany him. He was going to die there, Jon knew, and no matter how hard he tried, there was nothing he could do.

“Jon, look at me,” a pair of hands took his face, everything around him seemed blurry, as his mind slowly came back from his nightmares, “Look at me, you are here, you are safe now” he could hear Dany’s broken voice, as he focused his eyes on her. tears were falling over her cheeks, and he could sense her fingers brushing over his face, probably cleaning his too. “You’re here” she whispered again, and Jon couldn’t help himself. Surrounding her with his arms, Jon hide his face on her neck; Dany’s arms did it too, as they went over his shoulders, supporting his trembling body.

“It’s not your fault” she kept whispering, her hands running through his curls, soft lips brushing his neck as she spoke.

Jon’s mind went to the words she had said before, and before the moment could be broken, he said the same ones to her, knowing well enough she needed them too. “It’s not your fault, either.”

Daenerys body tensed for a moment, and then he heard a muffled cry over his skin. Then, tow shaking bodies mixed in one, as the comfort they so longed needed came that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, let me know what you think! xoxo


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! It's me again! 
> 
> I'm so sorry for not update sooner, I've been really bussy with real life, and I didn't have enought time to write or post anything :( plus I didn't have internet in like, forever D: 
> 
> I'm so happy to see all the responses in the last chapter, and knowing you like the story so much give me all the happiness in the world! You guys are trully the best! 
> 
> As always let me know what you think!!

Chapter 7

Neither Jon nor Dany spoke about what happened that night the next day, both of them unsure of how to handle that moment of weakness, nor the feelings that rose inside them there. After their embrace, Daenerys disappeared with just a few about feeding Aly before she woke up, leaving Jon disconcerted of what just happened. They hadn’t seen each other until the morning after, Dany was with Aly in the kitchen, sat in one of the chairs while the baby drank from the bottle. 

“Morning,” Jon muttered, unsure of how to act.

Daenerys rose her eyes to him, and for a moment the vulnerability on them made him want to hug her again. “Hi” she simply told him. Her eyes went again to the baby, whose arms rose to her face, and Daenerys smiled as she kissed the little fingers slightly. 

Jon walked to them, kneeling before the chair and smiling at the baby, as he took one of her hands on his, “Hi there, sweetling!” she took his finger tightly in her hand, and Jon laughed at that, “Wow! You’re getting stronger, ouch, my finger! You are such a strong little one!” he faked the frown on his brow, winning a smile from Aly. He heard a muffled sound on his left and found Dany’s eyes gazing at him, a soft smile on the corner on her lips. 

“She’s growing so fast” Aly finished her bottle and Dany put it on the table, then proceed to put the baby on her shoulder,

“Here, let me help you,” Jon said immediately, extending his arms to her. Dany passed the baby to him, and he put her carefully over his shoulder, walking slowly as he patted her back. 

“Want something to eat?” she asked, opening the fridge. 

“I usually don’t eat in mornings,” Jon told her without thinking, focusing on Aly.

He heard a laugh from behind, and as he turned, he saw Daenerys looking at him smiling, “Since when?” she giggled, taking out some food and putting them over the table, “you eat two piles of pancakes, with fruit and cheese almost every morning!” 

He used to, Jon wanted to say, but not since she left months ago; his morning routine only consisted on waking up without any rest from the night before, and drinking just a cup of coffee; he only ate when his stomach began to hurt from the lake of food; and even then, it wasn’t too much. “Well, I only like your pancakes” he joked, trying to avoid the upcoming subject. 

To his amusement, he saw her cheeks went red, as a soft smile curved on her lips, “Well, I’m sleeping on your bed, it’s only fair that I made the pancakes” 

“I can live with that,” 

Shaking her head, but with a smile on her lips, Daenerys began to mix all the ingredients, while Jon sat patiently behind her with Aly on his arms. She could feel the intense gaze over her, as she walked around preparing the food. The imagine brought so many memories of similar situations like that in the past, the only difference was that years ago, he would have come to her from behind, and caressed her neck with his lips. She would have scolded him for interrupting her cook, but then Dany would’ve fallen into his arms, turning off the oven and savoring the nectar of his mouth. 

“Do you want some help?” Jon asked, taking her out her dreams, as she turned around surprised -and aroused-

“What? Hmm, no, I’m fine. Could you… could you prepare Aly for her appointment with the doctor today? While I finish this” 

Jon looked at her confused for a moment, but then nodded and disappeared from the door. Daenerys sighed, as she leaned over the table and took a deep breath. What was she thinking? That was all in the past, now their only concern was Aly, and making her happy and safe. 

“You need to focus, Daenerys” she whispered to herself, closing her eyes and trying to think of anything but Jon. 

It didn’t work, for the only thing right now, was the feeling of his lips on hers, and his strong arms surrounding her. Just like the night before.

*-*

“Jon! Hurry up, we’ll miss the doctor’s appointment!” Daenerys sighed as she took her purse with one hand, while the other carried Alyanna against her chest. The baby was fast asleep in her arms, and Daenerys hoped it was like that until they reach their destiny; one thing she had to learn on the days she’d spend with the baby was that she didn’t like car rides. Daenerys had her theory, for she thought she didn’t like  _ Jon’s _ car rides, but she was not going to say that out loud. 

“Coming!” she heard Jon’s voice and then saw him come to the living room. “I couldn’t find her wolf.” He said, moving the stuffed animal in front of him. Rolling her eyes, she turned around and opened the door.

“It’s late, we should be there by now.” 

Jon frowned his brows at her harsh tone, following her lead to the car. “She always gets grumpy if she doesn’t have it.” 

Huffing, Daenerys ignored him and rested Aly on her car seat, “You were in charge of having everything prepared for her, now we are getting late because you couldn’t find that stupid wolf” 

Dany knew she was being harsh with no reason, but since her slip from the previous morning, she was mad at herself, she was mad at her feeling for raising again when she knew it shouldn’t happen. Daenerys didn’t want to take it against Jon, but every time she saw his smile at Aly, or his stupid curl falling over his face, she wanted to facepalm herself for being so weak. 

“Hey…” Jon walked towards her. “It’s everything alright?” he whispered, his soft eyes watching her closely.

Daenerys had to fight the intense urge to cry, his voice sending shiver under her skin, “I’m fine… it’s just…” it’s just that I don’t trust myself around you, she wanted to say, “I think it’s just my PMS messing up with me,” she lied, not so sure of what to say other than that sheep excuse. “Don’t mind me” 

Jon nodded and closed the car door. “Want me to drive?” he asked. 

_ God, no. _ “Sure,” Daenerys said instead, moving to sit in the passage seat. 

She needed a way to make her mind on the subject. Dany knew how things were between them, she had been the one that put distance on them, but at the same had suffered enough in the process. She knew things didn’t just fix because of the baby, she took a choice the moment she and Jon broke up, it was the right one, Daenerys tried to reassure herself, but at the same time, part of her hope that the universe was getting them a second chance to built what was once. 

*-*

Daenerys closed her eyes as she heard Alyanna’s cry, hugging her closer, she caressed her back, trying to comfort her. 

“Here she goes,” the doctor said, placing the cotton on Aly’s arm and motion to Jon, “Take it there for a moment.” He said, turning around and throwing the needle on a can. 

Dany felt Jon’s hands caressing her back, “She’s alright, Dany,” he whispered at her ear. She turned to him and saw his eyes shining with a smirk. 

“She’s still crying” she answered, kissing the baby’s curls, as she smoother soft words to her. 

“I’m sure she’s more scared of seeing you like that, than for the needle.” Shaking his head, he lowered to the baby’s level and smiled at her. “Your aunt is more scared of needles than you, that’s right, my love? Yes, she is… you are a strong little girl, yes you are!” 

Rolling her eyes, she hugged the baby closer to her. “Don’t listen to him, honey, Aunty Dany it’s just protecting you.” 

Jon laughed at her, and then took the small band-aid the doctor gave him, placing it on her arm. “That would protect her from many sicknesses that are around here, miss.” The doctor smiled at her. She only needs a couple more, but that’s in a few months.” 

“Well, Jon can put them, now that he’s so sure of himself and it’s mocking at me” Daenerys gazed at him over Aly’s head, and for her amusement, she saw his cheeks turn red.

“I would never hurt her,”

“Aha! So, you admit it hurts” her lips pouted as she gave him a satisfaction look. Jon laughed at her, and Daenerys rolled her eyes again. “On other things, everything is fine with her, doc?” 

“She’s a happy and healthy child, miss. She didn’t suffer any contusion on the accident, and by anything else, she’s perfect. I already ordered some extra exams, just to make sure, but they didn’t show any anomaly.”

Jon took her hand and Dany gave him a gentle squeeze. She knew the subject of the accident was still recent, not even herself had recovered from the news, she couldn’t imagine how Jon was feeling. 

“Thank you so much, doctor.” She smiled. 

“At your service. If anything happens, don’t doubt on calling me”

They walked off the building, Jon carrying the baby this time when he received a text on his phone. The moment he put it back in his pocket, Daenerys asked, “Everything alright?” noticing his brows frowned and his serious look. 

“It was from the funerary service, they cremated Arya’s body. I need to pick her…” 

“Oh, Jon…” Daenerys' voice broke. She took his hand and lower her gaze on them, feeling her eyes fill with tears. “Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s okay. Could you please take care of Aly? That’s not a place for babies, I just…”

“Of course, we’ll be at home waiting.” She caressed his shoulder, as they walked towards the car. “I’ll drive you there,” she said, and Jon nodded. 

It was the final step. His sister was gone, and there was nothing he could do about it. 

*-*

Daenerys was cutting some apples when the door sounded. She turned around and saw Jon entering the kitchen with a small box on his hands. “Hey” he greeted her. 

“Hey…” 

He sat on the chair and gazed at the box. Daenerys walked towards the table and sat too, then took his hand on hers. “What do you plan to do with her?” 

Jon sighed, “Bury her with Gendry, I think she’d like that” 

Dany nodded. It was just unfair, she thought, baby Aly first loses her dad without knowing him, and then her mother was gone too; she was just a baby, she didn’t deserve any of that. But Daenerys knew life wasn’t fair for anyone. 

“It’s a one-day trip on car, but I just don’t want to do it yet” he admitted in a low voice.

“It’s okay, whenever you’re ready” her fingers caressed his palm, “I’ll come with you, you are not alone in this, Jon.” 

His eyes met hers, and Daenerys' heart flips at the sight of tears on them. “Thank you, Dany” 

The so familiar nickname made her heart twist this time. She tried so hard to fight the impulse of running her hands on his hair, a costume she had since they’d been together. Jon always teased her about being more obsessed with his hair, than anything else, and Daenerys had to agree sometimes; Jon used to mess his curls every time he was tired or worried about something, Daenerys always tried to calm his thoughts by caressing his hair as the whispers of her words tried to erase his worries. 

“Dany?” 

She rose her eyes and found him looking at him with curious eyes; Daenerys blushed as she came out her daydream; despise the frowned brows, Dany could see a spark of amusement on Jon’s eyes, which only made her blush harder.

“Uhm, yes?” 

“I was asking if you’ll like to order something for lunch, I was planning to buy more grocery stuff tomorrow, but I think we can make it just fine with what’s in here…” Jon looked inside the fridge and chuckled, “Well, there’s bread and baby formula, that’s sound quite nice, uhm?”

Daenerys giggled and shook her head, “I’ll call,” she took her phone and sat on the chair, “Any preference?”

Jon’s back was turned to her, and she was glad because the moment the words left his mouth, Daenerys cheeks went red, a sight she didn’t want him to see, “You know what I like.”

Of course, she did.

*-*

Dany stepped on the living room after cleaning the dished from their lunch, and she was met by the sight of Jon’s bare chest, rested on the couch with Aly body sleeping peacefully over him. Seven hells, that was a sight she didn’t need to see. 

“Hey,” Jon smiled at her.

“Hey” she replied, trying not to look at his direction.

“She ate all the bottle, barf, and then fall asleep immediately,” his laugh was contagious, and Dany found herself smiling too.

“What a Snow, uh?” 

“Can’t argue with that” Jon said smiling at her direction. There was a knock at the door, and Jon rose from the couch, “I’ll put her on the crib” 

Daenerys opened the door and was surprised to see the social worker on the other side, “Mrs. Snow” she greeted her with a smile. 

“Hi, miss…”

“Margaery,” she extended her hands to her

“Sure, I’m sorry, we met the other day” 

“Don’t worry, nice to meet you again. I’m sorry for coming without announcing first, but well, that’s kind of my job” 

“It’s okay, please, come in. I’m sorry for the mess,” she lowered to grab the toys from the floor, and move the baby furniture they’d bought the other day.

“Don’t worry, I know how life with babies. Have twins myself,” 

“Wow, twins” she smiled at her. Jon returned, thankfully with a shirt on him this time. 

“Hi, Miss. Tyrell” he extended his hand to her.

“Mr. Snow,” she greeted at him. “Well, as I told you about my other meeting, I’ll be visiting both of you to know who things are going before the trial. If we could start…”

“Yeah, of course, have a seat please.” 

Margaery sat in front of them, leaving the space for them to sit on the couch. 

“Well, as I said in my prior meeting with your husband,” Daenerys felt a shiver at hearing that, “We need to make sure Alyanna is in the best conditions and with the people that can give her all the love support she needs,” 

“Of course,” Dany nodded. “There’s nothing more important than her right now, and we plan everything on our hands to make sure she’s fine.”

“That’s very good to hear. Right now, you two are her closest family, that’s why we gave you the custody in the meantime the trial begins. But I have to be honest with you too, there are a lot of things you need to ensure to win her custody, and that’s precisely why I am here.”

“So, how do you plan this to work?” she lowered her eyes to the files on her hands. “According to my records, the two of you were planning a divorce weeks ago, didn’t you?” the social worker looked at them with a raised brow, and Jon felt his face went pale.

Before she could answer, Jon was the first to speak. “Yes, we had some… the difference in our marriage before, but now with all the things happening in our family, the best thing we can do is stay together, as a family.”

“Yes, that’s what I imagine, but that doesn’t change the fact that the two of you weren’t together before, and now you resume your relationship… after finding out Aly would possibly live away from you,” she said directly looking into Jon’s eyes. 

“Jon and I decided to give us a second opportunity to rebuilt our marriage,” boldly, she took his hand. Jon looked at her with surprise but didn’t try to take her hand off. 

“You both need to understand that giving the situation, the last thing the child needs is a dysfunctional environment. I am aware of your past, Mr. Snow, and as much as you both want to assure me that everything it’s okay, this is an unusual situation”

“We know that, but just as we are trying our best to be the best example for our niece, my husband is making his best to arrange his past problems. We all deserve a second chance, don’t we?”

“Yes, of course.”

Jon was speechless as he turned around and watched Dany smiling at him. The fact that she referred at his as ‘her husband’ send a bunch of emotions over him. That was all he had hoped for so many times, to rebuilt what they had before and find out that sparkle that was between them.

“Mr. Snow?”

He turned at the social worker, lost on his thoughts, “Uhm, yeah?”

“I will continue coming to visit you two and making sure everything is alright before the audience. I must say your aunt Lysa is very interested in all the files and documents of the process. She is also trying to advocate for the custody.”

Jon closed his eyes and sighed. Not even after years without seeing her, his aunt stops messing upon his life. She was a monster, and no matter the cost, Jon would do anything on his hands to avoid Aly to be taking away from him, to his aunt’s life. Just then, Jon felt a soft hand over his, opening his eyes, he found Jon looking at him, a reassurance smile over her lips, as she squeezed her hand over his. 

“She won’t win, Jon.” She whispered to him, and Jon felt as all his problems went away by just her soft features and her support with him. 

“I know you are Arya’s only family, therefore Aly’s too, that’s why I’m going to make everything on my hands to make sure she doesn’t end up elsewhere, by I need that both of you understand that your personal life can’t interfere with hers, she is just a child, and just now the only thing she needs is love and support. I want you to be honest with me right now, are the two of you committed to this marriage?” 

Jon felt a panic rise inside him, as he thought of Daenerys' words when she had agreed to the plan. He wanted, with all his heart to rebuild their life together, and if life was giving him a second chance to do it, he was going to make things better. The only problem was that it shouldn’t be just him fighting for both of them.

The moment Daenerys answered the question, all the hope lost inside him came once again.

“Yes, we are.” She said, squeezing his hand.

That was the second chance he needed. 

He knew right now it wasn’t in her plans to open lost wounds, but if there was just one hope, Jon was going to make things better this time. 

And if everything went right, Aly would have the family she once lost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested, this week starts the Jonerys Halloween Week Fest on the Jonerys-art blog on Tumblr. Go and see all the amazing art/gifs/fics/etc that will be participating on it, and if you are an artist, join to it too! You can find all the day themes on the blog so you can participate!
> 
> On a second note, is anyone else having trouble with the Tumblr app latelly? Please tell me isn't just me D: the app doesn't charge and I am not sure what's happening, thoughts???


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you so much for all you comments on the last chapter! I trully apreciate all the love this story is recieving xoxo
> 
> WARNING:  
> Violence, mention of trauma and misscarriage.

Chapter 8:

_The call came at midnight. Jon woke up startled, his eyes trying to focus in the dark surrounding him, not long ago he had finally been able to sleep after hours tending the wounds of the last soldiers that came to the camp. He heard shouting’s around him, and immediately his years of training set him on alert._

_“Jon, we need to hurry, let’s go” one of the soldiers shout to him._

_He turned around and found some of the supplies already packed in a corner, he took his boots and medical bag, everything he needed already packed in case of an emergency. And this was one._

_“Report” was all he said as he came into the truck. At his side, the red-headed woman put in march the car._

_“Three bombs exploded five miles away, the preliminary report says thirteen deaths, four missing and more than twenty injured.”_

_“Gods.” He sighed, then took his walkie-talkie from his bag “Alright, everyone, this is a red code situation, I need everyone alert, there could be more bombs around, take everything you need to act quickly; the several injuries will be translated to the safe zone, but we don’t know how long we’ll have to wait until the helicopter comes, so I need everyone working fast on the wounds. People are missing, be careful around, do not touch anything you don’t recognize. Copy?”_

_He heard several sounds coming from it and sighed. The adrenaline started to take effect on him, as his hands started to sweat. ‘Calm down, Jon’, he reminded himself, ‘this is what you’ve prepared for.’_

_The moment they arrived at the place; everything was chaos. The fire was everywhere, people shouting and screaming for help, the sky, always black in the night, was filled with smoke and ask, and the orange color from the flames mixed with the night moon._

_Everyone started running, placing what they need to clean and heal every wound in a place where the smoke and ash didn’t come so close. In a matter of seconds, Jon’s hands filled with blood and ash, as he tried to save the soldier’s life._

_“Red lion to White wolf, you copy?” his walkie-talkie talked under his pants. Jon took it as he could, hearing the voice calling from him._

_“Here white wolf, what’s the situation?”_

_“Doctor, we found two other soldiers on the border, their wounds are bad, but I think—” there was a noise on the back, and Jon frowned his brows._

_“Red lion?” he shouted. “Jaime, do you hear me?”_

_“East—”_

_“Shit” he cursed once again when he lost communication. He turned around to one of the doctors behind him and took his bag. “There was a call, two more survivors, I’m going to help”_

_“I’m behind you” the man shouted as he pressed a white cloth on a woman’s wound._

_Jon started running towards the place he assumed the people were. He made a mental note of the supplies he had on his bag, knowing the things wouldn’t be enough to prepare everything for it. ‘I need to do the best with what I have’ he thought._

_He saw the two corps on the ground and made his way towards them. Both of them rested their backs on a broken car, thankfully not on fire as the others._

_“Here, more help is coming. Tell me where does it hurt?” he kneeled before him and started his examination._

_“No…” one of them coughed. “Leave… it’s—”_

_Jon frowned his brows, turning towards the other man, but he didn’t respond. “He’s dead” Jon whispered after feeling his none existing pulse._

_“Leave—” the man tried to say. “It’s a trap”_

_Before he could react, the cold feeling of a knife pressed on his neck made him froze. “You coming with us, doc” a hoarse voice resounded behind him._

_The moment they throw him into the truck and closed the doors in front of him, Jon heard a huge commotion outside, and as he looked outside from the window, he saw two bombs exploiting on the field, where all his colleges and soldiers were trying to save the people’s lives._

*-*

It felt almost as the dream she always hoped for.

Here were they, sitting on the couch, Alyanna resting on Jon’s legs as he made funny faces to her, her favorite toy moving in front of her, while the baby made funny noises with her mouth. There was an old tv Christmas movie playing, popcorns were made by Jon a few moments ago, before they decided to watch the movie together, and after finally having Aly ate all her bottle; hours ago the baby was not having any of the fun that she projected right now, she started to cry and no matter how hard they tried to make her stop, she didn’t; it wasn’t until her lungs went tired of crying, and she smoothed a bit for eating her formula that she returned to be her normal self, to Jon and Dany relieve, that almost lost their minds trying to figure out what was wrong with her.

Ghost moved on her feet, accommodating himself with his head over her socks, making her giggle as she bent to caress his fur. “You’re such a spoiled lad”

“Who’s there?” she turned her eyes at Jon’s voice, he put his hands over his face, and then making funny faces to Aly as he uncovered himself, “It’s me! Yey!”

If she forgot about everything that had happened in the past months, it could almost feel real, the life she ever wanted, the one she so longed for. It made her heart ached, as she reminded the days when she had all of it. Her hand went to her lower belly, now flat and empty; part of her wanted to believe that this was a second chance the life was giving them to rebuild everything they lost, but this was not a daydream, and Daenerys knew that for sure.

“He hates Christmas” she heard Jon’s voice beside her. turning her eyes to them, she saw that Aly was now on his chest, with a full view of the movie they were watching. “Do you hate Christmas?” he asked the baby, wining a wide smile from her, “Of course not, you get all the presents!”

Daenerys couldn’t help the giggle that came from her, and her cheeks blushed as Jon rose his eyes to her, smiling in return, “To be honest with you,” he whispered to the baby, but her eyes never left hers, “Your aunt here got all the presents on the tree, and she ate the chocolate pudding too”

“I did not!” she exclaimed with a laugh.

“I can recall coming a certain night looking for the pudding I made that morning and finding nothing in the fridge”

Well, he got her there, Daenerys thought with a smile. She indeed had eaten all the desert, and when he came back she tried to make up for the food he didn’t eat, “Well, you didn’t complain after when I made up for it” she didn’t know where that came from, the tease she hadn’t use in so many time, made her shiver down her spine.

“Of course, I didn't” was all Jon said, giving her that look that made her knees tremble.

Trying to change the subject, and not let her feelings flow away she said. “It wasn’t my fault, you took that cooking class”

“You didn’t say that about my lasagna” he frowned his brow, and Daenerys laughed at him.

“Because it was awful,” she said between the giggles. “That pudding was the only thing you learn there”

“Auch!” Jon touched his heart and then began to laugh, his head falling on the back of the couch. Alyanna moved uncomfortable on his arms, her peace broke by their laughs. “Sorry, darling” Jon told the baby, as he tickled her on the belly. Alyanna wasn’t having any of it, for she began crying. “Hey, you were so happy! No crying!” Jon lifts her on the air, trying to erase the sobs.

“Here,” Daenerys rose her arms to the baby, and Aly extended her chubby fingers to her, “Come here sweetling,”

“Well, that hurts,” Jon said after the baby accommodated on her arms, resting her face over her chest.

“I think she is mad because you haven’t made one of those puddings” Daenerys whispered, tickling the baby’s belly.

“I think she’s too little for that” Jon teased, raising his eyebrow at her, and smiling as she blushed. “But don’t worry Aly,” Jon said kissing the baby’s cheeks, “I’ll make some tomorrow” his eyes didn’t leave hers when he whispered the words, and Dany couldn’t help but smile.

“Dany… wake up”

Daenerys opened her eyes slowly, her neck on an awkward position on the couch, beside her, and surrounded by a lot of pillows rested Alyanna, her head on Dany’s chest, while her fist was inside her mouth. She lowered her gaze to her, trying to figure out at what moment she fell asleep.

“Mmmm” she muttered, moving her head from side to side, trying to erase the neck pain. “What time is it?”

Jon moved at her side, taking Aly on his arms and resting her over his shoulder. “9, the movie just ended but you were already sleeping” he chuckled, and Dany smiled, “I’m going to feed her before she starts fussing”

“Uhm, I didn’t see the end of the movie” she groaned, rising on her feet and stretching herself.

“We’ve seen that move like a hundred times” Jon laughed, coming from the kitchen with the bottle of formula, “Spoiler alert: he loves Christmas at the end”

Daenerys giggled, taking the empty dishes from the table and going to the kitchen, “Well, it’s a classic, what can I say?” she started cleaning them; behind her, Jon sat on the chair and began feeding Aly. “I have to go to see my publicist tomorrow morning, it’s okay if you stay with Aly?” she looked at him over his shoulder,

“Yeah, no problem. I spoke to my captain and they gave me a few days free. Told them the situation, and well…”

“Are you… back on the file?” she hadn’t spoken about his job since he returned, nor she wanted to find the answers she so feared.

“I’m currently on the medical training force for the new squad.” He explained, and Dany let out an internal sigh.

“Good,” was all she could say without the words collapsing on her lips.

“I asked to be in a different field after what happens,” he said softly. Dany felt her eyes filled with tears, she closed them, trying to fight the upcoming tears. For so many times, she longed to hear those words from him, and it seemed unfair that now that they were no longer together, everything was fixing around them. “I like it, got the chance to help those recruits to learn everything they need to know, or at least everything I wish I knew before they travel to the camps. Some times they asked me to help the main doctors at the hospital, but I try to stay focus only on the training part.”

She finished putting the dishes on their place, and after making sure she had no tears rolling on her face, she turned to him. “I’m happy you like it” she tried to smile, not letting her real emotions falling over her. “I’m sure they are excited to have a good teacher on their troops.”

He smiled, lowering his gaze to Aly, she was now fast asleep on his arms, the bottle forgot on her lips, so Jon put it back on the table; slowly, he put her on her shoulders and started to pat her back.

“I do the best I can” Dany saw a bit flush over his cheeks and smiled. Jon Snow blushing, that was a sight. “And how about you? How’s your book?”

She rolled her eyes and moved her hand over her neck, faking a knife. “Trying not to kill my publicist. Sometimes he makes me crazy.” She took some of Alyanna’s toys from the floor, “I mean, I love him, but every time we see each other, he wants me to change or any something. I’m hoping tomorrow’s meeting we’ll discuss the final details”

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine, you’re a good writer” the way his eyes looked at her, made her heart twist.

“I hope his sister thinks the same, she’s the owner of the editorial, the one I’m trying to impress. But she is a bitch.”

Jon laughed, shaking his head and accommodating Aly on his arms. “You’ve worked with the worst. I’m sure you can with this one”

“Oh God, I know. Remember the one that only liked the title, and though the characters were ‘too realistic’” she laughed, as Jon rolled his eyes and shook his head. “What the fuck does it mean too realistic? It was a world war 2 memorial from real survivors. Gods, that one was one of the worst”

“Aye, but in the end, it was you that was right, and the book was a success. I remember reading it when I was on the mission, the story was just… amazing”

Her heart twisted again, but this time it was from the dark memories that came to her mind. She had indeed made this book for him, every word was her way to express the feelings inside her, it was her way to have hope in times of darkness, but also, a way to connect herself to his job. Fighting another one’s battle was something she never understood, but hearing the real-life stories of every people she interviewed for it, made her realized the real reason Jon did all of that.

It was his first mission, and she was scared and alone, that book was a scape of it. But the moment his second mission came, she was scared and alone again, just that time, there was no stories that could make her have hope of his return, not stories that brought her baby back either.

She was lost in her thought, and when her mind stopped wondering, she found Jon’s eyes looking at her.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, frowning his brow.

“Yes… I’m just tired. I think I’m going to sleep; I have to wake up early tomorrow.” She extended her arms to Aly, “Here, I’ll take her to bed”

Jon nodded and rested carefully his niece on her arms. He didn’t miss the shadow that passed Dany’s features as they speak, but he didn’t mention anything. Jon wanted to give her space, to process everything that was happening. He didn’t want to push her.

“Good night, Jon” she whispered, looking at him one last time, before disappearing to her room.

“Good night,” his words getting lost in the empty room.

*-*

_Her baby kicked her belly as if he could sense her stress. Daenerys tried to erase the uncomfortable feeling, as she finished taping the words on her computer._

_“If it depended on me, you know the story will be published immediately” Tyrion words rezoned on her mind. “But my sister is not entirely sure of the plot development, she wants more in the middle act, I know you understand…”_

_Of course, she understood. His sister was a cunt, and she could no longer bear her. She had been working none stop to finish this book, but every time she thought she make a step forward, something came up._

_‘I don’t like the title’_

_‘The chapters are too long’_

_‘The plot is not realistic for this’_

_‘Could you do it fifteen percent shorter?’_

_It makes her sick._

_She felt another kick, this time harder than before. “God, I’m sorry, mama is almost finishing. Let me just… send this… done!” she caressed her belly and smiled. “See? Now we go home and eat. Happy?” she laughed when another foot -or elbow, she wasn’t entirely sure at this point- hit her left side._

_Outside, the rain was falling over the street, so Dany took her umbrella and walked slowly towards her car. Once she was inside, with her shoes filled with water, she took her phone and found several missing calls._

_Frowning her brows, she called Arya back, “Dany? Where are you, are you okay?”_

_“Yes, yes, I’d silence my phone, was trying to finish something from the book. Why? Is everything okay?"_

_“Dany…” she heard her voice brake, and her heart stopped._

_“Arya, what is it? You are scaring me”_

_“Where are you? I’ll pick you, there's something…”_

_“Stop it and tell me what is it” she felt her pulse running on her ears, despite the cold outside the car, she felt her hands sweating._

_“No, I… I’ll pick you up, okay? I’m in Davos’ office, it’s not so far from the editorial…”_

_“Davos office? What are you doing there?” the army’s base wasn’t that far from her work, but she didn’t understand what was Arya doing there, especially at this time of the night. “Arya?”_

_She heard a muffled sob on the other side of the phone, and her breath went erratic. “I’m on my way”_

_“Dany, no! I’ll pick you up—”_

_She hung up the phone and put her car on. It wasn’t late, but the traffic was empty at that time. Her hands still sweating, as she moved around the city, trying to fight her rising heartbeat. She knew it was bad news, she knew it. Did something happen with Gendry? That would explain why Arya was there. But so far, Gendry was still on a ship on his way to the east._

_The rain fell harder on the road now, as she turned to her left, following the so knowing way to her husband's work._

_But what if it wasn’t that? She didn’t answer her phone, and there were other missing calls beside Arya’s, she realized now. What if something happened to Jon?_

_She felt her son kick, as a shiver ran under her skin. Oh, God, let it not be Jon, please, not be Jon. She prayed._

_She saw the car’s light before everything went dark. The pain on her side as the other car impacted against hers took her breath away. Her hands protectively surrounded her belly, she felt everything around her roll, her head hit the window at some point, as several broken glasses fell over her. She_ _vaguely he_ _ard the sirens sound, and people fighting outside, but she couldn’t focus on anything, just the pain. Her hands clutched harder over her belly, as her vision turned blurry._

_Then, everything went dark._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Daenerys took her jacket from the bed, his bag was already in the living room, along with her folders. It was going to be a busy morning, but if everything went right, soon her book will be out.

It was a risk she was taking with this one, there were few books that took the time to speak from the side of the soldier’s family’s view of war, but she knew it was something she wanted to do.

She still remembered the struggles of hearing those war stories by the first persons in line, those who fought and experienced the real chaos. But now she wanted something else, something that gives the people a new understands about the whole situation. She herself was one of them. Dany knew her experience wasn’t different than the others, and she confirmed that once she made her research for the book. All the stories she heard about it helped her to heal her heart.

But there was something she wasn’t ready for, yet. Tyrion wanted her to write her life experience in the book, but she had refused several times. She wasn’t ready for it, the wounds in her heart were still too tender, even when she had made peace with everything that had happened, she wasn’t ready for the world to heard her story.

She looked one last time in the mirror, fixing a missing hair from her braid, and then got out of the room. Walking towards the kitchen, she found Jon with a cup of coffee on his hands. “Morning,” he nodded at her.

“Good morning,” she saw Ghost trotting towards her and smiled as she caressed his fur.

“Ghost, down, you’re going to mess her clothes!” Ghost lowered his head to his paws, his big eyes looking at Dany, “Spoiled boy” Jon muttered, shaking his head.

“I’m sorry, buddy, but I promise once I get back, I’ll give you a lot of hugs” she smiled at him, winning a tail movement in response.

“Breakfast is ready if you want some before leaving,” Jon said, moving his head towards the table.

“Thanks, but I think I’m just having coffee this time” she muttered, taking her cup a filling it with the black liquid. “I have a knot in my stomach, thanks to my ass editor. If I eat something, I might end throwing on her clothes.”

Jon shook his head, but Dany could see a smile on the corner of his lips. “I would pay to see that” Dany smiled, as she took a sip on the coffee. “But seriously, don’t let that woman mess your day. You’re a great writer, and she’s just an annoying, old lady.”

Their eyes met, and Daenerys felt her cheeks blush as the night before, and so her eyes went to her shoes, trying to escape his intense gaze; the past days had been a roller coaster for her emotions, but at the same time, she didn’t want to think about the future and what it has for her.

Only enjoy the moment, her mind told her. but Dany knew it was a matter of time until that ended.

Aly’s cries over the baby monitor took her out of her daydream, but before she could move to see what had happened, Jon let his cup down on the table and went to the living room. She followed him after, and found him with Aly on his arms, the baby had big tears falling over her cheeks, as her fist went to her little mouth.

“Hey, what’s the matter sweetling”? Jon whispered to her, kissing her forehead, “Mmm, you’re a bit cold,” Jon whispered to himself.

“Is she alright?” Dany took a step closer and caressed the baby’s arm.

“She already ate, maybe it’s a stomach cramp,” he said, moving his hand over her belly in a circular motion. That seemed to smooth Aly, for her whimpers became softly.

Dany’s phone vibrated on her hand, and she let out and an internal curse, “Shit, I’m late,” walking towards the table, she took her purse and folder, “Are you sure she’s going to be alright?”

“Yes, don’t worry, she’s fine” kept bouncing Aly softly on his arms, but the baby moved uncomfortably over them. “Go, we’re going to be fine.”

She nodded slowly, and after giving them one last look, she moved to the door and went out.

“You have to do it”

“She means you should do it, Daenerys” Tyrion looked at his sister one last time, and then her eyes rested on her.

Dany closed her eyes, as she let out a sigh. She was pissed, and there was nothing else she would like more than getting out of that fucking place. She could hear Tyrion and Cersei fighting each other again, but she didn’t care. They were having the same conversation for a million times, and she was not going to change her mind.

“People love a good one on one story, and this is a way to win sympathy from our readers!” Cersei exclaimed again.

“I don’t want anyone’s sympathy!” she ran her hands over her face, “I didn’t make this book for people to feel pity for me. We all have our stories, and the purpose of this is to give people the other side of the family’s life with a relative on this job. I’m just telling their life experience as a way to ensure their vision on this.”

“And you have a life experience too, Daenerys” Tyrion replied.

“This is not a fucking charity thing, Tyrion. Those who allowed me to come into their lives and share their personal experience did it because they believed it was important to show how brave are the family of those who fights for us, not because they needed recognition or some shit like that”

And that was true. She just wanted to show all the sides of the same coin, but in a way to promote knowledge of how it was to live with something that big like that, not for the morbid commentaries, nor trespass the people intimacy.

But there was more than that, and she knew it.

She wasn’t ready to open herself on something that big like it was what had happened. Not just to her, or her baby, but Jon’s experience and how it affected them on their relationship, it was something personal, something no one should interfere. Because she knew it would be what will happen once she spoke about her life.

It was just hers and Jon’s private life, and no one would intrude on it.

“That is my decision, and my decision is final” her tone was hard now, as she looked at Tyrion and Cersei.

The blonde woman gave her a stoic look, and then she got up from the table, and took all her papers, “Well, then. You’re out.”

“What?” Tyrion rose his eyes to her. “You don’t mean that…” but Cersei ignored him, turning around and walked away from the office, closing the door behind her.

Dany's head fell over her hands, as a sigh came out of her. It was always going to be like that, she thought bitterly, this was not the first time she got a reaction like this from her, nor would be the last one.

“I’m going to speak to her, don’t worry”

“No” she cut Tyrion. “You think she’s really going to change her mind? Maybe for a moment, but then she’ll go back the be the bitch she is. I’m tired of this, Tyrion, how long before she comes back with something else she wants from me, and then I won’t agree with her and it’s the same fucking cycle. I can’t”

“I know my sister can be hard…”

“I’m out, Tyrion.” She got up and proceed to take all her folders with her. “I can’t work with someone who doesn’t believe in me, and constantly tries to block my work.”

Tyrion looked at the floor, as a heavy sigh left his body, “I understand.”

“I’m sorry, you’ve been one of the few people that really believed in me, you gave me my first chance, but…”

“I know,” he smiled, patting her hand. “I wish I could do more”

“You’ve done everything for me, really”

Part of her was afraid she was choosing the wrong choice, but as she walked away from the office, and got inside her car, Daenerys felt something she hasn’t feel in a long time.

Freedom.

*-*

Dany was expecting to find Ghost running towards her the moment she opened the door, instead, the house was in complete silence. She put her bag and coat on the table and walked towards the kitchen, expecting to find Jon in there, but it was empty.

“Jon?” no, he wasn’t in the bathroom either.

Taking her phone, she marked his number, and after a few sounds, she heard his voice. “Hey, how was your meeting?”

“Hi… well, not what I was expecting” she sat and proceed to take her boats out.

“Oh… I’m sorry,”

“Never mind.” She didn’t want to worry him about it, but part of her wasn’t sure why. “I just came home but didn’t find any of you here”

“Ghost, come here boy… yeah, Aly didn’t stop crying, and I thought maybe she would calm if we went out for a walk, but I think is not working” she could hear the tiredness on his voice, just like the baby’s whimpers in the back. “I think we’re heading back now,”

“Alright, I was planning to cook something, I haven’t eaten in all day, any preference?” she sat on the bed, taking off her shoes and sighing in relief at the sensation of being away from those things.

“I was planning to get something on my way…” he was interrupted by a loud cry, which she assumed was Aly’s. “But I think she’s not in the mood” he groaned.

“Delivery then?” she giggled.

“Please” the plea on his voice sounded so pitifully that she couldn’t help a smile crossed over her lips at that,

“Spicy wings?” her foot touched the cold floor, as she walked towards the kitchen, looking for the number in the fridge.

“You know me”

_Of course, she did._

Dany smiled to herself, then hung up the phone and proceed to search the restaurant she was looking for. Once she finished, Dany sat in the kitchen. The house was in unusual silence, without Aly’s giggles or Ghost steps over the floor, nor Jon talking with the baby while he bounced her up and down in the house. It was strange how she had got used to all those little things that made her days different, even if there had only been a few days of them. The routine had come so easy for her, something she longed time ago.

It was part of her life now, she thought with a bittersweet feeling. At that point, Daenerys knew it wouldn’t last, as much as her heart hurt for it; as she wasn’t sure how she’ll face her life when none of those things were around with her.

“Ohh, poor thing, your uncle got you on that walk you didn’t want, ugh?” Dany cooed, lifting Aly on her arms once Jon got her inside the house. At her side, Jon rolled his eyes, placing the carriage in a corner and tacking off his coat. Daenerys giggled as she bounced the baby up and down, tickling her belly, “You miss me? Ohh, come here darling” Alyanna squeezed her front shirt, as her face hid on her neck, big tears were falling from her cheeks, as Dany pat her bump, talking softly to her ear. “What’s the matter? Are you hungry?”

“I tried to feed her before we went out but she kept spitting out the bottle. She’s not sick, I check on her before… I don’t know what else to do”

Raising her eyes to him, Dany saw the tiredness on his face. it was the longest time he had spent alone with the baby since she was there, and she knew how hard tacking care of Aly could be, even with the two of them, Dany sometimes felt overwhelmed, she couldn’t imagine being all alone.

“Hey… it’s okay, don’t worry” her hand touched slightly his arm, and Jon’s eyes fell over it, which make her took away her hand. “Why don’t you lay down on the bed and rest a bit? I’ll wait for the food and call you when it's ready” her eyes looked at him over Aly’s head, and Jon nodded slowly, heading towards the room.

She sat on the couch and lowered Alyanna over her lap, gently moving her legs up and down, trying to smooth her whimpers. It worked for a moment, for the girl began to suck her fist, focused on Dany’s face. “There you go… feeling better?” she whispered, but the baby only frowned her face as she wanted to cry again, “Shh, it’s alright…” the finger that was caressing her soft cheek got caught in one of her little hands, “I know you miss her,” Dany whispered with tears on her eyes, “but I promise you we’ll do everything to keep you safe. Your uncle and I love you so much” then she pressed a soft kiss on her forehead.

On the other side of the room, Jon watched the scene from his room door. His eyes closed as the first tears began to fall. Daenerys' words resound on his mind, as he made his way to the bed. He too missed his little sister, everything felt like a bad dream since the day the news came, there were moments when he would like to give up on everything, but then Alyanna’s big eyes on him reminded that there was still hope in all the darkness. He couldn’t give up, he had to do it for Aly and Arya.

Just as Dany had said, they were going to keep her safe.

He woke up slowly, he had fallen asleep the moment his head touched the pillow, only recalling Daenerys perfume on the sheet before sleep took over him. His eyes opened disoriented as he sat on the bed. Looking at his phone, Jon realized he had slept longer that he planned to.

He walked out of the room, and found Daenerys on the couch, with a book on her hands, as Ghost head rested on her lap. “Hey…”

She rose her face and gave him a shy smile, “Hey there, didn’t think you’ll wake up until tomorrow” she joked, and Jon smirk.

“Didn’t think I’ll sleep that much.” He scratched Ghost's head as the dog rose his face to him, moving his tail happily, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You were sleeping like a baby, I feel pity” her eyes had that spark of a tease he knew well, and he shook his head with a smile. “Food is in the table”

“Thanks.” He walked towards the plate resting on the table and came back to the living room. This time, he decided to sit beside her on the couch, but she didn’t say anything. His eyes fell over the cradle, Alyanna now sleeping peacefully on it. “How you did that?” he asked with his eyes wide.

Dany giggled softly, lowering the book into her lap. “After struggling to calm her down, and thinking seriously about getting myself a new eardrum transplant… I think she went tired of crying and just fell asleep. I feel bad, but at least she’s sleeping now”

Jon nodded serious, looking at the baby sleeping peacefully, but her cheeks were still puffy for all the crying earlier. “If she keeps like that tomorrow we should take her to the doctor”

Dany nodded, “Yes… I don’t want to take any risk if she has something”

“I check on her this morning and everything seemed fine, no fever, no ear inflammation, but well, babies are not my area. Let’s just… wait to see how everything goes tomorrow,”

They went into a comfortable silence, Daenerys reading her book and Jon eating his wings. “I quit my job today” she finally said, after minutes on silence.

Jon’s eyes went wide, almost choking with the food, “What? Why?”

She sighed, and proceed to tell him her disagreement with Cersei that morning; the more she thought about it, the more her anger increased. “I’m just… tired of doing everything they always want. It’s my fucking book, I don’t want to turn it into a gossip magazine” her head fell in the back of the couch, as she sighed heavily, “and I couldn’t take Cersei anymore, she’s a bitch”

“I’m sorry.” Jon wanted to take her hand on his, to comfort her, but he didn’t want to overstep.

“I feel bad to leave Tyrion, he was the first person who gave me a hand on this…”

“I’m sure he understands, he more than anyone knows how his sister is.”

“I don’t know how he bears her”

“Me neither” Jon smirked, cleaning his hands on the napkin, “But you’re an amazing writer, I’m sure you’ll find a better place, somewhere you feel comfortable and be able to write the things that come from you, and no from so wicked woman”

She smiled, her eyes meeting his dark ones in silent gratitude. “I hope so” she whispered. “I just… the moment she mentioned the idea of letting something that person come out… I freak out.” Her eyes looked absently at the roof,

“You are in all your right to not do anything you don’t feel comfortable with” she moved her face to him and gave him a sad smile, "and you don’t have to feel bad about it”

This time, he dared to take her hand on his, giving her a gentle squeeze. “Thank you” she whispered, hypnotized by those eyes she missed every day from the past months. His hand felt warm against her, and she didn’t pull back. She couldn’t. her mind screamed to take every moment she could, to enjoy the little details that made her feel again, the amazing sensations that she dared to dream for a lifetime.

At some point, the space between them became shorter, and she could feel the air mixing with their heavy breaths. Daenerys knew she had to stop it, but she couldn’t. “Tell me to stop,” she heard Jon’s rough voice in front of her, as one of his hands rose to support her neck.

After a moment of hesitation, the only words that came from her mouth were a simple whisper “I can’t…” and a single tear rolled over her cheek, while her heart and her mind start an endless fight inside her.

“Dany…” Jon’s voice broke as he captured the tear with his thumb, his own eyes shut tightly at the sight of her crying, “I—”

The words stop on his mouth, as Dany finally closed the distance between them, her lips brushing against him, while her hands rose to his neck, caressing the soft skin there. he was taken aback for a moment, but then he answered her silent plea.

At first, their lips brushed slightly, too afraid of breaking the moment, uncertain of the long time that had past since they were that close to each other; but it didn’t last long until the familiar synchrony came again. they had spent years learning to read each other’s minds and bodies, and soon, their kiss turned into a desperate plea, recovering the lost time when they were apart.

Jon’s arms surrounded her waist, as their chest pressed each other; one of his hands went to support her head, as their tongues started dancing in their mouths. He heard the soft moan that came from her, and his body shivered, skin filling with goosebumps.

At some point, they both rose from the couch, too desperate to get rid of each other clothes. Neither of them speaks, as they lead the way into Jon’s room. Inside it, their hands started to touch every part, every skin possible, until their clothes fell over the floor.

“Dany…” Jon whispered, as his lips kissed her neck. “If you don’t—"

“Shh” was all she said, before a gasp left her lips, the moment he found that spot that made her toes twirl.

Daenerys pushed him into the bed, climbing on his lap and capturing his lips again. Jon’s hands went to her breast, where her sensitive nipples reacted as he played with them, before capturing them with his lips. Her nails left a pattern on his back, as she arched and moaned in pleasure, while her hips moved over him, sending an electric running on her aching cunt. Jon groaned as he felt her wetness on his member, the only barrier between them were his boxers and her panties.

He flips them, until he was over her, and started filling with kisses the skin of her stomach, then his hands started to pull down her underwear, but before he got a chance to take an immerse with her taste, Daenerys took him from his shoulders, bringing him back to her lips, while her hands got rid of his boxers.

The moment he filled her, both of them moaned a unison, as Jon’s arms supported his weight at her side, while Dany’s fingers buried on his shoulders. His lips captured her nipple again, as his thrust started to get erratic. Neither of them wanted it gentle or slow, they were desperate to feel each other again.

Dany’s hips rose to meet his thrust, her hands lowering until she was squeezing his ass, asking for more, “Don’t stop…” she moaned, arching her back as the familiar twirl on her toes announced her the upcoming realize. “Jon!” she cried, her head hiding on his neck, as his hip moved faster.

“Yes, come for me, yes, Dany” Jon took her hip with his hand, raising her to a new angle that makes him come deeper on the zone where he knew she will go crazy. One of his knees bent on the bed, supporting the new angle as his thumb started rubbing her nub.

Daenerys tensed, and then everything around her explode, body taking control over her, arching and trembling in pleasure, while her mouth opened in a silent moan. She felt Jon going still over her too, and then his seed filled inside her, his groans muffled by her neck, while his arms surrounded her tightly, and as she came down from her climax, she rounded his arms on him too, securing his head over her breast as she felt the last shakes of his cock inside her.

They stood in silence after that, neither of them dared to speak and break the bubble they had created. Daenerys felt his heart beating under her ear, as her hand rested on his stomach. Jon’s arm caressed absently her hip, as he shut his eyes and let a silent sigh out of him.

Both of them knew it was a mistake, they shouldn’t have done that. But at that moment, the feeling of return once again to each other’s arms was too strong to think about something else.

Regret would come in the morning, but right now inside that room, they were only two lovers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angsty smut that was promise!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone!! 
> 
> Sorry for the delay, I had a BIG author's block (ugh), it's like my mind decided that the best moment to not want to write is when I'm on vacations D:
> 
> Anyway, new year new chapter, hope you like it and...

Chapter 10:

“Please leave”

Jon’s arm tensed around Daenerys' body, as his heart began to run faster inside his chest. Moments ago, he was inside her, the heaven on earth he so well remembered, and after that, as she fell over his chest, he had expected things to be different. He was not expecting that. 

“Dany…”

“Just go,” she said again, this time pulling apart from him and sitting on the bed. Her arms went immediately to the sheets tangled in a corner, as she covered her body with it.

Jon sighed as he sat in the bed too; he ran his hands over his face with exasperation, then his eyes went to her back, covered with the thin material. “We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk, I want you to leave” her words came out harsh, but he could feel her trembling with them

His hands closed into a fist, as he got up and took his boxers from the floor. “You always do this” he muttered under his breath, and her eyes rose to him. “This is the fucking same thing as always.”

“Don’t… don’t do this please” she closed her eyes again, trying to fight the urge of running away.

“No! I am not the one doing it, Daenerys” he screamed, raising his arms over his body in exasperation. “You make me feel like I was a fucking rapist, that I am always the one hurting your feelings!”

She kneeled over the bed, looking at his with her face pale, “That’s not… that’s not what I meant”

“Well, guess what? You wanted this too, so don’t come to me with the same bullshit over again. Do you want to talk about it? Fine, we’ll do, but don’t close yourself over that shield again, and pretend everyone around you can’t say a fucking thing!”

His breath was heavy once he finished, and he turned around towards the wall, hitting it with his fist and groaning in exasperation, his mind going to the same scenarios that they had before when they were together.

“I am the one closing with a shield?” she asked with her eyes wide, and then let out a sarcastically laugh, “You were the one that didn’t want to talk about anything in our marriage, you weren’t there when I need you, even if it was just a wall between us you didn’t want to open with me, and I can’t pretend that everything is fine when I don’t even know who you are anymore! I tried, I tried so hard to open myself to you, but you didn’t do the same for me.”

“I didn’t want to get all my shit on you” he whispered after a tense silence.

“Well, guess what? We were married, Jon Snow. Your bullshit was mine, and we both could have figured out how to fix it, that’s how a fucking marriage works. But you couldn’t have known that, because you weren’t there half of the time! not even when I needed you the most!”

The moment the words left her mouth, Daenerys wanted to take them back. She saw the way Jon’s eyes rose to hers, and the look she saw on them broke her heart again if that was possible.

“I—I didn’t…” she tried to say, but he just turned around and walked towards the door. He went out of the room, not before his door slam sounded over the house. Daenerys' body fell over the bed, her hands covering her face as her body started to shake with the sobs.

_“Dany, you have to eat something, please…” Daenerys closed her eyes at Arya’s voice, turning over the bed and hugging her pillow closer. That was the pillow I hug when I couldn’t find a comfortable position, she thought._

_“I’m not hungry” her voice sounded hoarse, she couldn’t remember the last time she drank some water or ate something._

_“Dany, please” Arya’s voice now sounded as if she wanted to cry. Daenerys felt the other side of the bed move as Arya sat on it, then her hand was on top of her shoulder._

_“I just want to sleep.”_

_And maybe never wake up again, she thought to herself. Not once in her life, Daenerys had felt so much pain in her heart._

_“I just want…” her voice broke in a sob, I just want my baby and Jon, her mind kept reminded her that she didn’t have neither of them._

_You’ll never see them._

_“Dany…”_

_“Please, Arya, I want to be alone” hiding her face on the pillow, she heard her sister-in-law give a soft sigh, then the bed moved again, not before she felt her lips on her hair. The door closed behind Arya, as she went out of the room. She knew her sister was trying to make things better for her, but it was not possible. No matter all the things she wanted to do, nothing would change what happened, and Daenerys knew it._

_She remembered the moments after the accident, how the paramedics and firefighters struggled to get her out of the car without causing more injuries. She passed out after that, only waking up the next morning, looking as Arya’s eyes were swollen and red of crying. She would never forget the emptiness on her belly, nor the absence of small body on her arms. The scar on her skin was the only proof that there had been something inside her, she didn’t even remember the emergency c-section, and after that, her baby, her sweet baby boy left her forever._

_It was late in the afternoon when she woke up again, the house was in silence, except for the soft voices coming from the kitchen. She got up slowly, her face frowning by her still week body; her arm had suffered the most, it was now immobilized with a cast, and the pain after the c-section still made her body ache._

_Daenerys followed the voices until she found herself looking at the two people on the kitchen, Davos and Arya sat on the table, with cups on their hands._

_“Did you find him?” was all she asked as she entered the room. Two pairs of eyes looked at her wide, as Davos stood quickly, walking towards her and taking her arm._

_“You shouldn’t be up” Arya muttered, taking a chair for her to sit. Daenerys obey, only because her head was starting to spin and her body felt week._

_“Did you find him?” she asked again, this time her voice harder than before. She saw the way he and Arya looked at each other, which only made her upset more. “Don’t treat me like I am some child!”_

_“Dany… I know you are worried, I am too,” Arya began,_

_“We are making all in our hands to bring him back.” Davos continued,_

_“He’s still not here”_

_Her body felt weak, and as much as she tried to maintain her strong posture, she walked slowly towards the chair, letting out a sigh of contending the moment she sat there, her hand moving to her lower belly, feeling the source of the pain._

_“What exactly happened?” she spoke again. it frustrated her that no one seemed to care enough for her to know the truth, much less give her any information on how things were moving on with her husband’s kidnap._

_“They were on the field, there was a call from one of them assuring a bomb had exploded close to their camp. When they were there, Jon and the others were ambushed. One of our men was fast enough to get away and send the call letting us know what’d happened. Jon was taken prisoner; we believed they needed a doctor.”_

_“How long?”_

_“Three days ago,”_

_Her eyes shut close, as she rested her arms on the table. It was a nightmare, it has to be, and she needed to wake up now before she went insane. It couldn’t be possible that everything was happening now. Arya’s hand went to her back, caressing softly._

_“You have to find him, Davos” Daenerys whispered moments after, despite the weak and wounded body, nothing compared to the pain she was feeling in her heart. “I can’t lose him too”_

*-*

Daenerys was feeding Aly when her phone rang over the table. She moved the girl to a different position as she reached to answered it. “Hello?”

“Dany, it’s me, Tyrion.”

She smiled, shaking her head, “I know, I have your number” she joked.

On the other side of the line, she heard him chuckled. “Of course, look, I wanted to apologize again for what happened yesterday; my sister is an asshole, and she had no right to do that, but Dany, you’re a fundamental part of our team, we can’t lose you”

“I won’t change my mind, Tyrion,” Dany replied, looking down at the baby whose eyes were wide awake looking at her aunt. She smiled, taking her little hand on hers and moving it slowly.

Tyrion sighed, “I feared you would say that. Well, at least I tried.”

“You know how much I love working with you, but this situation... I can’t take it anymore.”

“I know, I know. Sometimes I can’t either. Anyway, as I knew that was going to be your answer, I contacted a long-time friend how to happen to have an editorial an is looking for an amazing writer, know anyone who needs the job?”

Daenerys’s mouth opened wide, as a silent scream left her lips, “Are you serious?” she exclaimed. The sudden movement made Alyanna let out a fuss, upset about being disturbed while eating her breakfast.

“A Lannister always paid their debs, or that’s what they always said” he joked, “without you, this editorial wouldn’t have the success that’s now, and I believe you have more art to give to the world.”

“Oh my God, Tyrion that’s amazing, I don’t know what to say…”

“You don’t have to say anything, just get back to work on your amazing books, and well, perhaps sign some of them for an old friend.”

“As much as you want” she giggled.

She couldn’t erase the smile on her lips as she hung up the phone. Looking down at Aly, the baby smiled at her, the bottle empty on her lips. “Your aunty has a new job, my love!” Dany whispered, lifting the baby in front of her and kissing her forehead. “Are you happy? I am happy!”

Babbling nonsense in front of her, Dany smiled at the baby’s attempt to answer her words, but as if the world wanted to fuck her mood, a with a fluid shot directly over her shirt -and part of her chin-. “Oh God,” Dany groaned, moving her arm to take a towel, “Lesson learn, sweetheart, not moving you too much after you eat.”

Giggling in delight, Aly smiled wide at Daenerys.

Daenerys hadn’t seen Jon since their fight that morning, so when he came out from the studio, she couldn’t deny the feeling of guilt inside her.

_You did nothing wrong_ , her mind said to her, but Dany knew otherwise.

He had changed his clothes and guessing by his wet curls taking a shower too. She was watching some documental about how plastic bags were made, but the tv got lost as she watched his moves from the corner of her eyes.

He walked towards the couch, and for a moment she thought Jon will speak to her, but he reached for Alyanna instead, lifting the baby from her crib and taking her bag.

“What are you doing?” she asked with a frown.

“I’m going to Davos’ office, there’re some things we need to talk” he answered without looking at her direction. Moving around the living room, he gently placed Aly into her baby trolley.

“And why are you taking Aly? I can stay with her; I’m not going out today”

Jon closed his eyes and let out a sigh, moving his head, “She’s my responsibility, not yours. I won’t bother you again with her”

Dany’s eyes went wide at that, as she got up from her seat “What are you talking about? She’s my niece too, and I—”

His eyes met hers from the first time, and Daenerys felt a shiver under her skin at his gaze, “As you so firmly reminded me this morning, our marriage is done. You don’t have any responsibility to her, and perhaps that’s for the better”

She felt her body go cold immediately, “What the fuck are you talking about?! This… we’re doing this for her good, I thought”

“I thought many things too, Daenerys, perhaps we both were wrong. This… this was a mistake, and it’s better if we let things like this before everything goes to shit.”

“Let things… what are you talking about?” her heart was beating faster, and she had an immense urge of running towards Aly and hugging her against her chest.

“This was a mistake, I should’ve known it the moment I propose it, but I was so blind thinking this could be a hope to us… to our marriage.” A dry laugh let his lips, as he shook his head, “It was a foolish dream.”

“Jon…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll explain everything to the social worker, perhaps she feels pity for me and decided not to take her away from me. Despite that, I’ll look for a good lawyer to help me win the case.”

“You can’t do this… your aunt—”

“I’ve dealt with Lysa my whole life, she will not win this from me. That’s something I can assure you.”

“Jon please, you have to think clearly” her hand went to his arm, but the moment her fingers touched his skin, Jon took a step back.

“This is the best way, Daenerys. You made yourself clear this morning, and we can’t hurt us anymore. This is what we are doing, and it’s better, for the three of us.” Looking down at her niece, he put her favorite toy beside her. “What do you think would happen if I win the custody? You’ll live with us forever in this house, like two adults taking care of a baby without speaking a word to themselves without fighting the moment after? Is that what you want?”

“No, but—”

“I didn’t want that either, but what I wanted you didn’t either, so let’s just end this now before we hurt us more.”

Her hands were shaking as she saw him go away from the house. Dany fell heavy over the couch, sighing in frustration as her head rested on the back. Part of her wanted to run to Jon, shake his body and made him come to his senses, but she knew she couldn’t. he was right, as much as his words hurt; at first, she wanted to do this for the sake of Alyanna, but then what? Their relationship had ended a long time ago, and neither of them knew how to solve things unless they hurt the other, and as selfish as she wanted to be having Aly with her too, she couldn’t do more damage to the little girl.

And what had happened last night, God, that was the worst scenario possible for them, it only fucked things more, and she knew it.

At this point, her mind was so fucked up that she didn’t know what the better chose was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEY! I'm finally back! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your patience and your lovely comments, they really made me feel good about all the situation that had happened; I was really upset that my laptop didn't work, and couldn't write anything on those months, but it's finally back again and I am so happy, yey!! 
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter, and as always let me know all your thoughts on the comments!

Chapter 11:

If Jon Snow thought she was going to leave just like that, he certainly didn’t know her that much. 

Daenerys spent the rest of the day cleaning the house, with every scrub on the floor, taking away all the dirt she could find, she tried to take her rage away. She ended up with blisters on her hands and sweat running on her face and back, but she didn’t care, the house looked clean, and her mind… well, her mind was still picturing and driving her crazy of all the things that had happened. 

Dany took Ghost’s plate and poured some food and water for him, then walked towards the bathroom for a well-deserved shower. Her mind couldn’t stop thinking of all the things that had happened in the last hours, it all started so… good.

She didn’t mean to do it, it just happened in the heat of the moment. But as much as she wanted to regret it, she couldn’t. Deep down, her feelings were still the same, and it hurt like a fire inside every time she tried to erase them, and what had happened last night…

“Stupid,” she whispered to herself, looking at her imagen on the mirror. “Stupid, stupid, stupid” 

That shouldn’t have happened. They both knew it. 

But as their bodies started to collide, everything seemed so familiar, and so welcome after all the time apart. She felt a shiver down her spine as the memories came back to her. Every part of his skin was printed on her mind, and his hands roaming to the places where she felt safe and loved, so used to do it in the past; his lips and fingers caressing the parts that made her toes curl… 

“Stop it Daenerys!” she scolded to herself, letting out a frustrated groan as she felt her skin fill with goosebumps; but she just couldn’t forget the last night, and a small part in her didn’t want to. 

It has been a moment of weakness, she tried to tell herself, something they didn’t plan to… _but didn’t stop it either,_ her mind told her. And then, everything when to shit. 

Dany knew some part of Jon was right, she couldn’t bring herself to be vulnerable with him again, not after everything that had happened; and as much as she didn’t want to feel guilty, they had hurt each other so much in the past, and they did it again last night. Resentment and anger were the only things they knew right now, but Dany didn’t want to let herself believe they could fix it. They had tried and it didn’t work. Why would it be different this time? 

_Because of Aly_ , her mind told her. But Jon was right about that too, what did she think would happen after he wins the custody? She was just going to say goodbye to the baby and that was all? No. Daenerys cared deeply about Aly to do such a thing, she loved her as if she was… her own. 

Hot water fell over her face as she thought of that. Aly wasn’t hers, and she needed to remember that. 

She heard her phone rang in the other room, taking her out of her thoughts. Letting out a sigh she finished her shower, and proceed to take a towel and go out of the bathroom. Ghost laid on the bed, his big red eyes following her, while his tail moved with happiness. She smiled, caressing his fur, then took her phone and saw several missing calls from an unknown number. 

Her phone rang again, “Yes?” 

“Good evening, this is Marshal from Saint Paul’s hospital, may I speak with Mrs. Snow?” 

It has been so long since someone called her that, “Yes, it’s me, Daenerys” 

“I’m calling you because your name is on the registration documents as a person to contact in case of an emergency—”

“Emergency? What happened?” her face went pale as she fell heavy over the bed. Ghost moved his head to hers, sensing her anxiousness. 

“There was an entry of a patient called Jon Snow, and we need someone to come over the hospital—” 

Her heart stopped for a moment, and then she jumped out of the bed, not paying full attention to the man’s words, as she tried to dress and take her purse, on her way out of the room. 

_Please no, not again_ , she prayed on her way to her car. 

*-*

“I fucked it up,” Jon closed his eyes as his head fell over the back of the seat. 

“Don’t be so hard on yourself man,” Sam told him from the other side of the room, as he smiled at Aly while tickling her belly. “you two have a story, it was just a matter of time before, well, you know” 

Rolling his eyes, he groaned, “Well, thanks for the help”

“I mean it, Jon. Daenerys and you… are perfect for each other, and as much as you don’t want to see it, it’s the truth. You both… are fucked up that’s true,”

“Language” Jon pointed at Aly, 

“Sorry,” Sam said, “I’m just saying, this is your second chance, man, don’t ruin it again”

“And you think I don’t know it?” Jon exclaimed in exasperation. “You need two for a relationship to work, Sam, and after all that had happened… It’s just… it’s not going to work, you know what I mean? Everything is screwed up” 

“And last night made it worst…”

“Exactly” 

But as much as his mind wanted to tell him it wasn’t right; Jon didn’t feel like it. It has been, amazing. There hasn’t been one day that he hadn’t miss her; and as the last night came to his mind, he couldn’t get away from her smell, the softness of her skin, the way their bodies knew each other and always tried to find their way together, there was not a part of him that didn’t remember her, and he didn’t want to forget a single thing about her.

“Earth calling Jon!” he turned his eyes to his best friend, 

“Sorry, I was just elsewhere,”

“Yeah, I’m sure about that” Sam said with a laugh.

“Shut up” rolling his eyes, he got up the chair and went to the desk, “I have my meeting with Davos in a few minutes,” he was nervous to know if they would reconsider his offer of coming back to the hospital. It’s a big step, but he knew it was time to do it.

“Are you one hundred percent sure you want to do it?” 

“I need to, Sam. I can live with my old demons anymore, especially now that I have Aly. I need to think about her too” 

“And what about Daenerys?” 

He hadn’t told her that he plans to return to the hospital, unsure of what would be her reaction. “At this point, I’m not sure where are we” 

“Sorry, man,” Sam said, patting his shoulder. “But maybe if you two talk…”

“That’s just pointless, Sam. She doesn’t want to know anything about me.” 

“Jon, you know you’re like a brother to me, but sometimes I want to punch you in the face”

“What’s that about now?” 

“You lose her once, and now the universe or whatever is giving you a second chance to make things right. You can’t just waste it just like that!”

“I know that! But I just don’t know how to make fucking things right!” he took Aly and gently placed her on her seat. “Sorry, love” he whispered as he saw her face frown. He gently put a hand over her forehead, “You’re a little warm, again…” 

“I can stay with her until your meeting if you want?” Sam offered

“Would you? She wasn’t feeling well last night, I was hoping she might feel alright by now”

“Maybe it’s a flu or something, well, I know nothing about babies”

“Maybe… but I don’t want to take any risk. Please check on her, I’ll try to not get long with Davos, so we can come back home soon”

“No problem, man,”

“I’ll be back soon, darling,” he smiled at her, gently kissing her little head. “Thanks again,” 

He went out of the room and walked towards Davos office, the old man was his first instructor when he joined the medical force in the army, but they knew since Jon was a little boy, as he was one of his father’s friends. He was also one of the first persons to help him when he decided to leave his aunt Lysa, moving out with Arya and starting a new life; it had been hard, Jon remembered then, but he had been determinant of giving his little sister a better life. 

Knocking on the door, he heard the familiar voice letting him in, “Jon, lad, come to have a sit” Davos smiled at him. “How are you? Everything good with the little lad?”

He smiled, thinking of Alyanna, “Aye, she’s the cutest baby. Half of the time I’m not sure what I’m doing but she doesn’t complain that much.” 

“You’re right, babies don’t come with a manual, and the first months are very chaotic.”

He smiled in agreement, if he thought about it, Jon couldn’t picture how he would’ve handled things without Daenerys help; it seemed so natural to her, 

“And how are things with Dany?” Davos asked with a rose eyebrow, his lips curving into a half-smile.

Jon sighed, shaking his head as he remembered all the stuff between them “It’s just… I’m not even sure how everything is going now. But not good, that’s for sure.” 

“Sorry to hear that, lad,” the old man told him with a sympathetic look.

There were so many things he wanted to say, but his mind was so fucked up with everything that had happened that he wasn’t sure how to explain everything. “Let’s just… forget about my dysfunctional relationship, eye?” Davos gave him a sympathetic smile, but Jon knew exactly what he was thinking. _You screw it up, now fix it._ It was one of the things he liked about the old man, he always had a wise -and hard- word to him.

“All I’ll say,” Davos replied with a half-smile, “is that you keep going”

He wanted to, really, but how things had turned out in the last hours, everything seemed more confuse as it had been.

Davos moved on his chair to take a binder on his left side, then placed it in front of Jon with a smile, “I’ve talked with the directives, and they wanted you to come back to the hospital. Your career is admirable Jon, and you have a lot of experience on trauma, this could be a good opportunity for you, well, if you’re up to”

Jon took the binder, where all the information was. It was a good offer, he had to admit; it was on his specialist area and had the flexibility so he could still have time to take care of Aly, “This is… great” he was really excited to go back to his previous life. The last years had been so intense to him, in different ways he didn’t realize, but this was an opportunity to take things back on his hands and starting a new chapter.

He was ager to do it, but also scared.

“That’s a yes, then?” Davos asked with a smile, extending his arm to him. Jon laughed and shook the old man’s hand. This was a big step, but he will give everything on him to do it right.

We he returned to Sam’s office, his friend told him that Alyanna was still feeling a big sick; checking the little girls head he noticed she was still warm, and her cheeks were rosy, with her nose wet and red. Not wanting to take any risk, and been so close to the hospital, Jon called one of his former friends from who happened to be a pediatrician; they agreed to meet right now, so he took Aly’s diaper back and went to her to his car. He was going to take her for a revision to be sure everything was alright. 

Jon heard her whimper in the back seat, as he drove to the hospital “I know, darling, we’re almost there.” It was so frustrating that he couldn’t do anything to make her feel right.

Walking with her to the reception, Aly snuggled closer to his chest, as her little hands clutched his shirt. He had her blanket covering her from any chill, as he caressed her dark hair. “It’s alright, sweety… Hi, I’m Jon Snow, I’m here to see Doctor Val” he told the nurse in front of him,

“Please sign this form,” a nurse told him without a look. Jon frowned, but took the papers and began to sign them. Alyanna whimpering on her arms, clearly uncomfortable in the strange place.

“I know, love,” he hushed her, “we’re going to meet a good doctor that will check on you and take away that bad flu” 

Handing back the paper to the nurse, he took away his phone. He should’ve called Daenerys, he thought, but with all the stress of the day, his meeting with Davos and their earlier fight. He was ashamed of the way he had talked to her before, but at the same time, he was angry about the way things had turned out. They need to take a moment and fix their shit together. 

But it always seemed that it wasn’t the right time.

“Jon?” he rose his eyes from the phone and found the familiar face smiling at him.

“Val, hey” he got up and walked towards her, “Thanks for receiving me.”

“No problem, come, let’s check on this little princess” she said, leading they way as they both walked to her office. 

“Last night she as a bit warm, and coughing, I wanted to see if she got better, this morning she seemed alright, but she started to feel bad again when I was in the office.” He gently placed the baby on the stretcher, and he felt his heart flip as he heard Aly whimper for being taken away from his arms. “Shh, it’s alright, love. As you know my babies experience is practically none, so, I decided to not take any risks” 

Val laughed, shaking her face along with her blond hair. “Don’t worry, it might be just seasonal flu, but we’ll make sure in just a moment.” She proceeded to examine the baby, as Jon stood patiently at her side. His fingers caressing Aly’s curls, while the baby’s eyes followed the new person in the room. “I hadn’t had the opportunity to give my condolences for Arya’s” Val whispered to him.

“Thanks, Val” he replied, his eyes looking at her little sister’s daughter. 

“How are you doing? I mean, with the baby and that… it must be hard giving the circumstances” the look of pity on her eyes didn’t go miss for Jon.

Jon’s face remained still, as he looked down at the baby holding his fingers. “Yes, it’s been… difficult, but I’ve got help” the corner of his mouth betraying the smile, as he thought about Dany. 

“Oh? You hired a nurse or something?” her thin eyebrow rose as she looked at him, her eyes sparkling with curious; he had known her from a long time, and even though in their former years as residents they’d had a few dates, they’d kept on touch on their time in the army, but after a couple of months, Val had retired from it, perusing her dreams of becoming a pediatrician. 

“No, not that… I—hmm, Daenerys is helping me” 

“Daenerys? But I thought you and her, well…” he wasn’t surprised that she knew about that, after all, it seemed that his life after the incident was some public knowledge. 

He didn’t want to get on details, gods, not even him knew what was happening with all of this. “It’s complicated…” 

Val gave him a soft smile, as her hand went to his arm and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Got it.” She kept examining Alyanna, resting her on the soft blanket, and palming her belly. “This looks like a seasonal flu, very common, especially in infants. Just to make sure I’ll make her a few more tests so we can dismiss any other thing. Does she have all her vaccines? What’s her pediatrician name, perhaps I can check on her medical records” 

“Ohh shit, the pediatrician, Arya had one, but he didn’t live in the city… she had a few cheeks with a doctor from the social service, but I just hadn’t had my mind to look for someone else. Ugh, I should’ve thought about that.” 

“Hey… it’s alright, don’t trouble yourself. Look, I’ll help you find someone for her, or if you like I can be her doctor, that’s no problem at all” she rose Alyanna on her arms and caressed her black curls. 

“Really, would you do that?” nodding, she smiled at him, “thank you so much. Really.”

“No problem, why do you go to the reception and ask for her medical records? If she was tended from one of the social services doctors, I’m sure her files would be there. Let’s have a look at them. Meanwhile, I’ll keep checking on her and see if she needs some medicine.” 

“Thank you, Val,” 

Walking towards the room, he was soon surrounded by the typical hustle of a hospital. Nurses and doctors running everywhere, just the way he remembered an emergency room. Jon would be lying if he said he didn’t miss this, it has been his life once, everything he had wished for before it was taken away from him. And soon he’ll be back again. It was not the army, nor he would be away for months as he used to; but it was a new beginning for him, something good after all this time. 

He was so lost on his thoughts, that he didn’t recognize the familiar person on the emergency room, his steps guided him to the reception, that was when he met with the well-known silver hair and little form of Dany. 

“Jon Snow! Please look again, they told me he was here, I’m his… then why did they called his emergency contact? Please…” he frowned his brows as he walked closer and saw the exasperation on her face. 

“Miss, I told you, there’s no one here with that name, it must have been a mistake—” 

“Gods,” she whispered shaking her head. Her hands went to her purse, looking for her phone as she kept arguing with the nurse. “This is just—"

“Daenerys?” her face turned backward as she heard Jon’s voice, walking into the emergency room. Dany let out a sigh of relief as she saw him; his face betraying the tiredness under his eyes, who was gazing at her with curiosity. 

“Jon! You—What happened?” she said, walking faster towards him. Her heart was beating against her chest, as anxiety took over her. She didn’t like hospitals, but now was not the time to panic, she told herself. Her arms went to his shoulders, as she gazed him up and down, as she was trying to find any injuries or something different from him “Where is Aly? What happened, they called me, I—I’m still in your emergency contacts… I—Jon what’s happening, and where’s Aly?” 

“I—I was with Aly, I didn’t think… hey, calm down, she’s alright” Jon’s eyes softened at her expression. Taking her by the shoulders, he stopped her and looked at her eyes, “Daenerys, look at me,” 

“Aly—” she whispered, her big blue eyes staring at him with fear, as she searched everywhere for a sight of her niece.

“She’s with the doctor now, they are checking on her; she wasn’t feeling alright and I took her here, I didn’t want to take any risks…” he explained her, trying to calm her. Dany let out a sigh, lowering her eyes as she took a deep breath. 

“They… they called me, I—I didn’t know what happened, they just called me and I came here, I feared…” her voice broke as she tried to process everything he was saying. She hadn’t felt this fear since that morning she woke up after the accident.

“Let’s sit for a moment,” he took her elbow and walked with her towards the waiting room. Dany’s face was pale as they sat together in the chairs. “The doctor says it might be a seasonal flu, she’s with her now”

“Aly doesn’t have a pediatrician,” Daenerys said with a frown on her brows. _Of course, she knew about that,_ Jon thought with a smile inside. “we should’ve thought about that” she whispered. 

“I found her one, don’t worry” they stood silent for a moment, only the noise of the hospital surrounding them. He realized then of their hands intertwined together, and his finger caressing absently her knuckles. Slowly, he pull away from her, immediately missing her warmth. 

“Where’s her?” she said, getting out of her slumber. He got up and motion her to follow him to Val’s. “You should’ve called me” she muttered under her lips, as they made her walk towards the office.

_There it was again._

“I don’t want to fight, Daenerys.” He replied with a sigh. She crossed her arms in front of her and looked at him with eyes spilling fire.

“I didn’t realize worrying about my niece was fighting?!” 

“Look, this is not the place, let’s just be for now” rolling his eyes, he walked in front of her towards the office. 

“Well, believe me, Jon Snow, that is the last thing I want right now” she replied with her voice tense.

“Good.” 

“Good!” 

Their eyes met again, heavy breathing as they looked at each other. It was the same tension as the previous morning, and both of them knew it wouldn’t end until they fixed all the shit between. Jon closed his eyes and let out a sigh, shaking his head as he took several air gulps. This was not what he had hoped when everything began. Perhaps it has been a bad idea since the first. 

Daenerys walked away from him, opening the door and finding Alyanna covered in her blanket, in a woman’s arms. Val. Daenerys knew the woman, not that she liked her that much, but right now all she could think was about her sweet girl. 

“Aly” she whispered taking a step closer to the baby, to which the little girl gazed up and her and rose her arms the moment she recognized her. “Ohh, my sweet baby” she mumbled, lifting her closer to her chest. Alyanna whimpered on her arms, taking her blouse on her little fingers. “Shh, it’s alright.” Her eyes met Val’s briefly, but right now she only wanted to focus on Aly’s well-being. She sat on a chair, hugging Alyanna closer to her chest. At that moment, Daenerys realized how much the little girl had captured her soul, and that thought made her heartache, knowing it might not last forever. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought, and just as if he could read his mind, she met Jon’s eyes, who looked at her with worry. She closed them, trying to fight the urge of letting the drops down, and hide her face on Aly’s little head, inhaling her sweet aroma. 

“Uhm, her exams will be here soon, but it might be the flu, as I told Jon before. I’ll give you a recipe, so the symptoms don’t bother her.” Val looked at Jon with a smile, as he nodded in agreement.

“Thank you, Val” he moved to sit beside Dany, gently touching Alyanna’s feet that came out of the blanket. “You’ll feel good, sweetling” he whispered, kissing her rosy cheeks. He looked at Daenerys then, “Val told me she could be Alyanna’s pediatrician” 

Dany stood there in silence, not quite sure how she felt about that. Was she even in a position to question that? She thought, but right now wasn’t the time to indagated such a thing. She nodded slowly, looking at neither of them. 

They waited some hours until the exams came, assuring them everything was alright. It was already dark outside when they finally walked towards the car. After Val let them know everything, they need to pay attention in case things got complicated, they said their goodbye, well, Jon did, Daenerys just stood there listening, only nodding once or twice. She put Aly in her car seat, and instead of sitting in the passenger seat, she stood by her side, holding her hand.

Jon turned his eyes to her, and Daenerys could see the softness of which he looked at her. It made her heartache so much. “Are you alright?” he asked with his deep northerner accent. Long ago, she would’ve made fun of it, always teasing him of how funny it sounded, but the reality was that she adored it, and it always made her skin fill with goosebumps. 

But that was long ago. 

“Yes… I just want to go home” closing her eyes, she avoided his dark ones, resting her head on the back of the seat, while her hand stroked slightly Alyanna’s curls. 

*-*

_Breaking news: after weeks of being captive by rebels of the east force, doctor Jon Snow, army’s captain of the Iraq base of medical force, has been released by a group of subversives this morning. Sources tell us that the doctor is in good health condition, and is recovering right now at the army’s hospital, accompanied by his family and captains. Doctor Snow was captured after an assault that cost the lives of other doctors in the Iraq borders. The captains spoke to—”_

_“Please turn it off” Jon’s voice sounded hoarse as he covered his eyes with his arm. Daenerys shut the tv off, and walked towards the window, closing the curtains so the light will not bother him._

_“Better?” she said softly, sitting by his side and slightly caressing his arm._

_“Aye, thank you” he kept his eyes closed, but his hand found hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Hours ago, he was walking down a helicopter, finding his wife waiting for him in the front line, all his troubles got lost as she ran to him, joining in a never-ending hug. He inhaled her essence, just as he remembered from the first time. He could feel her body trembling with soft cries, but he assured her that he was alright. They had so many things to tell each other, but they got all the time for it. Just then, the only feeling they wanted, was the embrace of the other. “Lie with me, please” he muttered without opening his eyes._

_“I don’t think the nurse would like that” she smiled, her fingers caressing his curls._

_“Fuck her” he groaned, moving aside to make some space for her. “She put a fucking IV on my arm, I’ve earned it”_

_Daenerys giggled as she moved to lie beside him, his arm immediately surrounding her body, carefully of not hurting himself with all the devices adding to his body. Dany closed her eyes, listening to his heartbeat under her ear; she could feel his fingers caressing her hair, as she did the same on his chest. “I love you” Daenerys didn’t know why her voice sounded broken as she pronounced those words. She felt his arms tense around her, and then his lips over her head._

_“I love you too”_

_She rose her head and smiled at him, then his head lowered to join their lips. They were as soft as he remembered; there hasn’t been a single day away from her that he didn’t miss every inch of her. It was her memory that kept him sane around all the darkness that surrounded him those months. It was her arms that he so desperately wished to return as time passed._

_Dany pull away from him and rested her forehead on his, “You should get some rest” she whispered, stroking his beard._

_“Only if you stay with me”_

_She let out a soft laugh, shaking her head as she moved to accommodate better on his arms. “I won’t be going anywhere” Time passed as they stood there in silence, she knew he wasn’t asleep yet, for his fingers kept caressing her back, as the other play with her loose curls. She was tired, but she didn’t want to fall asleep, afraid if she did it might all be a dream._

_Afraid she would wake up in a hospital bed just like this, alone and hurt. Just as weeks ago._

_“Dany,” she felt Jon’s hand wiping the tears she didn’t know were falling on her cheeks, she didn’t want to look at him, afraid she might break apart in any moment, but her arms surround him tightly, “Dany, love…”_

_“I’m sorry” she whimpered._

_“Hey, hey…” he took her chin and rose her face to him. His heart broke at the sight of her lovely eyes filled with tears. “It’s alright, we’re here, we’re alright” he gave her a reassurance smile, but Daenerys shook her head, lowering again on his chest._

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” she cried again. It was as if everything was falling apart at that moment, and she felt bad for that. She should be dancing with joy, her husband was back to her, he was safe and away from all danger, but her heart felt broken, everything was falling over her, just like the first day after the accident. Maybe it was the number of different emotions that were happening right now, but she couldn’t get away from the emptiness inside her, and the ache in her heart._

_“Dany, love, it’s okay, you have nothing to apologize for” she felt bad for putting Jon in that position, he had just returned from a traumatic event, he didn’t need this right now. He needs rest and recovers, her mind told her._

_Shaking her head, Dany hide her face under his neck, the sobs uncontrollable now, as her body shook against his. “He should’ve been here,” she cried, and Jon’s arms tensed around her. She felt his chest shiver, and she knew he was crying too at that moment; tears falling over her skin as he kissed her hair. They hug each other tightly, neither of them talking, but it wasn’t needed, they found all the comfort that moment on each other’s arms. She’d hope for this, he was the only one who could understand her situation, he was her other half, the one she had needed so much._

_Right there, both of them broken and hurt in different ways, they found comfort just by being with the other, and at that moment, it felt that it was the only thing they needed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'd like the chapter! 
> 
> Please stay safe :)

**Author's Note:**

> As always, let me know what you think!


End file.
